No matter who I speak with, everyone is experiencing stress at some level every day. Whether it is because there is too much to do, financial issues or relationship troubles each of these can create a lot of stress. Not to mention the low level stress like...what will I cook for dinner tonight, prepare for the children’s lunches tomorrow or buy for my friend’s birthday? And the list goes on… And what about our children’s stress? Children have busy schedules, social issues and study pressures – not to mention the stress they experience simply because they see their parents are stressed. In my book, Inspired Children: how the leading minds of today raise their kids, has a chapter by Maggie Dent dedicated to understanding the stress children experience and how to help them manage it. You can read more about it in her chapter entitled: Calming children and the world: tools for managing stress and chaos. Now we all know that stress makes you feel unwell but what many people may not realise is the MEDICAL FACT that according to the National Institutes of Health from 80 to 90 percent of all illnesses are either directly or indirectly caused by stress. Scary! Furthermore, research shows that many adults aren’t able to manage their stress because no-one helped them with stress and distress in their childhood so they did not develop the self regulating systems in their brains. You can see that it’s really important to manage your own stress and to help your children learn stress management techniques that will give them a valuable skill for life. It doesn’t take long to decrease your stress and you can use a variety of techniques like focussing on taking a few deep breaths, going for a short walk (in nature if possible) or doing a few stretches for the neck, legs, arms and back because as it turns out stiff muscles hold tension and make you feel more stressed. Makes sense! Why not make it a fun and relaxing time for both you and your kids.

The Importance of the time before conception - preconception Raising Inspired Children begins even before the baby is conceived. Sadly, current statistics indicate that couples are finding it increasingly problematic to conceive and with the number of stressful and difficult pregnancies on the rise, many couples are left in financial and emotional turmoil after simply trying to bring a beautiful being into this world. While doing research for my book, Inspired Children: How the leading minds of to day raised their children, I included the work of Jan Roberts the author of Great Stuff to Know Before you Conceive among many other books. Jan's research into preconception and pregnancy guides future parents through the stages of preconception, conception, birth, pregnancy, and toddlerhood. I interviewed Jan on so she could share her knowledge and insights with all the parents in the Inspired Children community. She had so much to say I have summarised it in a three part series. Here is what Jan had to say about preparing for conception (the preconception period) and her insights into helping parents conceive and raise healthy and happy babies. The concepts surrounding preconception Having Inspired Babies begins long before conception and pregnancy. Before the doctor, doula, obstetrician, midwife, or hospitals enter the picture, raising inspired children starts with prospective parents who are committed to giving their baby the best possible start in life and the best start in life begins with proper nutrition. An abundance of key vitamins, minerals, trace elements, essential fatty and amino acids are pivotal building blocks of life. The preconception period revolves around a well-balanced diet for both the future mum and dad, since the health and viability of both the gametes (egg and sperm) are crucial for successful fertilization and conception. Vitamins, minerals, and trace elements like Zinc, Iodine, and Folic Acid not only boost gamete production, but also improve the vitality and quality of the eggs and sperm being released, which in turn, reduces the risk of many common birth defects. The magic number is "4" Couples who are planning to conceive should think about implementing a preparation scheme and dietary plan at least four months before their intended conception timeframe. This number is not pulled out of thin air; there's a scientific reason behind it. Starting a detox program, changing your dietary habits, getting lots of exercise, and cutting out various vices (especially cigarettes, drugs and alcohol) four months in advance allows ample time for beneficial nutrients and amino acids to become incorporated into the formation of the eggs and sperm and toxins to be flushed from the body. This timetable also enables the body to build up reserves of key nutritional elements in preparation for conception. Preconception programs aren't only for women Future mums aren't the only ones that should be preoccupied with preparing for conception and pregnancy. When it comes to making Inspired Babies, healthy, viable eggs are only half the equation. Dads-to-be should take every precaution to ensure that their sperm is also in a healthy condition. Thanks to the science of Epigenetics, we now know that physical, emotional, and nutritional deficiencies are inheritable and can affect the quality of the gametes. Dr Bruce Lipton goes into this in great detail in chapter 1 of Inspired Children: How the leading minds of today raised their children. Studies have shown that there are possible links between the risk of obesity in children and obese parents, therefore, minimizing the exposure of both parents to harmful lifestyle choices gives their offspring the greatest opportunity to achieve their full potential. Preconception Checklist Before making babies, would-be parents may want to tick off a few items on this Preconception checklist: In consultation with a nutritionist, begin a pregnancy dietary program at least four months before the planned timeframe for conception. Consult with a health professional such as a naturopath and stock up on key essential fatty and amino acids, minerals like Zinc, Magnesium, Iodine, and Calcium, and vitamins like Vitamins C, D, E, and the Vitamin B complex (which includes Folic Acid and Riboflavin). In consultation with your health practitioner, stop taking prescription medications (including oral contraceptives) at least four months prior to planned timeframe of conception. At least four months prior to conception, eliminate drugs, alcohol, caffeine, and nicotine from your lifestyle. Fresher is better. Where possible, eat fresh, organic foods and minimise your intake of canned or dried foods, especially those loaded with preservatives and additives. Minimise your exposure to electromagnetic radiation. Cut down on your use of microwaves, laptops, cell phones, and similar devices. In conjunction with your healthcare professional, engage in an exercise regime or any other means of staying mobile and active. Avoid excessive exposure to stressful situations and find time to relax and unwind. Take care of your emotional well-being by seeking the advice of a therapist or a group of good friends for mental and emotional support. Raising an Inspired Child begins long before your child is even conceived and so focusing on health and wellbeing in the preconception period is key. Both future parents need to ensure that they are mentally, emotionally, and physically prepared to embark on this wonderful, new phase in Life and are equipped with the necessary life skills to turn the science of Child Development into the art of Parenting. In parts 2 and 3 of my interview with Jan, she shares more of her insights into pregnancy and child birth. Stay tuned! About Jan Roberts After earning a Bachelor's degree in Pharmacy in 1967, Jan worked for fifteen years in the field of Community Pharmacy. She subsequently completed her diploma in Clinical Nutrition and along the way, her interest in Preconception Care was awakened; an interest that hasn't died thirty years later. During her early years in Preconception Care, Jan observed and understood the plight of new Mums, especially those who had endured the rigours of having difficult pregnancies. She started The Breastfeeding Association and later developed The Better Babies Series as a way to promote Preconception Care and help new parents prepare for pregnancy, childbirth, and the joys of Parenthood.

When disciplining, our communication can support our children to develop of a strong sense of self or it can make them doubt themselves. For example, if our words focus on the child’s behaviour we can help them learn how to act in the world appropriately without hurting their self-esteem. To explain with an example, let’s say your child refuses to share their toys – a common developmental stage for toddlers. If your communication is along the lines of “oh you’re a naughty boy. Why can’t you be more like your friend Braden he shares his toys? Good boys share with their friends when will you learn to share with your friends?” Calling a child a naughty boy or comparing them to others can really hurt their self-esteem. Children can internalise “I am naughty and I’m not good enough” which is obviously harmful to their self-esteem. However, if parents focus on the child’s behaviour in their communication this can help them learn how to act in the world appropriately without hurting their sense of self. For example: “You know I love you, but what you’re doing right now is not OK. Playing together and sharing your toys with friends is important. Can you see how Braden is upset now that you won’t share your toys? You like it when other children share toys with you don’t you? What toy will you like to share with Braden? You can choose any toy you would like to offer him, come on pick something.” Children may not choose anything to share the first time you try this and you may need to do this many times until they start to understand and cooperate. It’s all about learning over time in a gentle and caring way – one which supports your child’s development and their sense of self. Allowing your child to choose the toy they want to share shows them you that acknowledge the toys are theirs, that you value their choices and most importantly it shows that you respect them. This helps build good self-esteem. Little by little, sharing will become a natural part of life as the fear of their toys being taken away declines and the joy of playing together becomes more important. Sharing is a wonderful skill for life!

Parenting expert Dr Rosina talks about the funny side of parenting. What do you do when your child has splattered yoghurt all over your kitchen and it’s the last thing you need right now? Do you yell, laugh or cry? Find out what Dr Rosina did and how she learned many valuable parenting lessons from that messy life experience. She realised it’s OK to make mistakes as a parent, say sorry and have another go… this teaches your child so many valuable life lessons. ALSO, learn more about how to help your child stay fit and healthy and avoid becoming one of the growing statistics for children who are overweight or have type two diabetes.

Attachment is an emotional bond and connection to another person. Psychologist John Bowlby was the first attachment theorist, describing attachment as a "lasting psychological connectedness between human beings" (Bowlby, 1969, p. 194). Bowlby believed that the earliest bonds formed by children with their caregivers have a tremendous impact that lasts throughout life. According to Bowlby, attachment also serves to keep the infant close to the mother, thus improving the child's chances of ‘survival’. Infants become attached to adults who are sensitive and responsive in social interactions with them, and who remain as consistent caregivers for some months during the period from about six months to two years of age. When an infant begins to crawl and walk they begin to use attachment figures (familiar people) as a secure base to explore from and return to. Parental responses lead to the development of patterns of attachment; these, in turn, lead to internal working models which will guide the individual's perceptions, emotions, thoughts and expectations in later relationships. Separation anxiety or grief following the loss of an attachment figure is considered to be a normal and adaptive response for an attached infant. These behaviours may have evolved because they increase the probability of survival of the child. “The central theme connected to attachment is that mothers who are available and responsive to their baby's needs establish a felt sense of security in their children. Your baby knows that you as the caregiver are dependable, which creates a secure base for your child to then explore their world.”[1] The Key Components of Attachment There are four key components of attachment: Secure Base: The caregiver provides a secure and dependable base for the child to explore the world. Separation Distress/Anxiety: When separated from the caregiver, the child will become upset and distressed. Safe Haven: When the child feels threatened or afraid, he or she can return to the caregiver for comfort and soothing. Proximity Maintenance: The child strives to stay near the caregiver, thus keeping the child safe. Attachment theory and concepts are here and here to stay. Attachment parenting is undertaken often times naturally. I have no doubt attachment began when parenting began but the theory helps us understand the importance of positive attachment relationships. Give your baby a sense of connectedness in infancy and give them the best start in life. Connect through observation, mirroring and responding [2] and maximise the potential for mutual communication and understanding. “Our brain development, our emotional development -- even our later ability to control our emotional selves, our tempers and delay gratification -- all depend on having our innate relationship needs met as infants.”[3] Attachment Parenting is as flexible as you want it to be. Every parent who knows the principles can use it intuitively to suit the needs of their baby. Do not think of it as a set of rigid rules. As always, use your own parenting know how and intuition to decide what's best for you and your family.[4] Vivien Sabel UKCP MBACP ScPTI Author of The Blossom Method™ The Revolutionary Way To Communicate With Your Baby From Birth available on Amazon Relational Psychotherapist/Clinical Supervisor/Researcher http://www.viviensabel.com [1] This quote was taken from Dr. Laura Markham’s blog Attachment Parentinghttp://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/attachment-parenting [2] Observation, mirroring and responding are the three core components of The Blossom Method™. [3] This quote was taken from Dr. Laura Markham’s blog Attachment Parentinghttp://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/attachment-parenting [4] This was adapted from Dr. Laura Markham’s blog Attachment Parentinghttp://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/attachment-parenting

Friendship is such an important part of life. Just one true friend can make all the difference when your child needs support. On the other hand, if a child gets in with “the wrong crowd” this can take their life into directions parents would rather not think about. Discuss this topic with your child by asking them about their friendships. Also relate your personal stories of your own friendships make sure you include both the good and bad focussing on the lessons you learned. This: 1. helps your child further develop their understanding of the qualities of a good friend. 2. invites them to take a close look at their current closest friends and see if they are good friends. 3. enables you to understand who your child has chosen as close friends and to share your beliefs and ideas about friendship with your child.

Parents often call sweets, chocolates, crisps, cakes and biscuits ‘treats’. Generally, children LOVE their ‘treats’ and will do almost anything to get them. While calling unhealthy junk foods ‘treats’ may seem harmless, but upon closer consideration it may actually be more harmful than helpful. Instead of using the word treat, call junk food exactly it is, by its name or call it weekend food and explain that it is only weekend food rather than everyday food. Talking about junk food - the sugary, fatty and processed foods as weekend food: 1. helps parents understand that how they name ‘unhealthy’ foods can affect how their children feel and behave in relation to those foods, and 2. explores helpful ways to label and educate children about sweets etc…

Does your child give their power away to other people or things outside them? Does your child say things like “that person makes me angry” or “you made me do that” or “she makes me jealous” or “having that thing makes me happy” and in this way give their power away to people and things outside themselves? OR does your child claim and use their own power by acknowledging that they are responsible for their own feelings, thoughts and behaviours? If a child believes people and things outside them have power over their thoughts, feelings and actions then they can feel powerless as they can’t control things outside themselves. If a child takes responsibility for their own thoughts, feelings and actions then they are in control and powerful.

Did you know that self-esteem and self-confidence are NOT the same even though most people use the words interchangeably? OK, let’s put it to the test. Right now, ask yourself the question – “What is the difference between self-esteem and self-confidence?” and then answer it. We all know that every parents wants their child to have healthy self-esteem. No parent says I’d like a child with low self-esteem. BUT, when we confuse self-esteem and self-confidence in our parenting we can inadvertently hurt our child’s self-esteem. Take this short quiz: Does your child’s self-esteem come from outside – other people’s appraisal? Does your child rely on others for praise to feel worthy or validated? Does your child feel bad about themselves or even worthless when as a parent you criticise or reprimand them? Do you sometimes say things that might harm your child’s self-esteem? The more you learn about effective parenting, the more confident you’ll be with the practical tools you need to help you raise your children in a calmer and more effective way. If you feel like all you do is yell and fight with the kids which makes things even more out of control, then imagine how good you’ll feel when you’re able to respond rather than react and teach your kids the life skills they need for life success.

A common challenge kids of all ages can experience today is bullying which can be devastating. Now with technology, bullying can be relentless and many children experience it on a day-to-day basis, both in person and online. Did you know that children with good self-esteem are less likely to be bullied, and if they are bullied, are more able to manage it without long-term psychological harm? On the other hand, children with low self-esteem are more likely to bully or be bullied. Even if your child wouldn’t initiate bullying, children with poor self-esteem are more likely to succumb to negative peer pressure and get caught up taking actions they know are harmful to themselves and others. When things get tough, kids with low self-esteem are more likely to give up, blame themselves and feel helpless to overcome the bullying that stands in their way of life happiness and success. So how is your child’s self-esteem? Do you know how to support your child so they develop good self-esteem and what to avoid so as not to harm their self-esteem? Good self-esteem provides a strong foundation for your child’s life success. The more you learn about effective parenting, the more confident you’ll be with the practical tools you need to help you raise your children in a calmer and more effective way

Interview on ABC Radio "Boys will be boys"..."if he picks on you it means he likes you". Ever heard these statements before? But it the times of the Me Too movement and toxic masculinity, how do we raise our boys to be respectful? Parenting expert Dr Rosina McAlpine speaks with Kia Handley. Listen to the Interview here

Are your children grateful for the people, the possessions and the experiences in their lives? Well, research shows that it can be of benefit for your children to develop an “attitude of gratitude”. Being grateful helps children become aware of and appreciate the good things in their lives and not take them for granted. This allows children to know what is important in their life and what makes them happy, which helps them identify and achieve life goals for a full and inspired life! Studies also show both mental and physical benefits for people who are actively grateful on a daily basis. For example: grateful people are healthier as they take better care of themselves in relation to diet and exercise gratitude helps people cope better with daily issues especially managing stress gratitude helps people be more optimistic which boosts the immune system. So, what can parents do to help their children practice gratitude? Here are some activities that you could invite your children to complete to help them achieve the many benefits of being grateful and learn skills for life. Journaling. You may like to give your child a special note book or journal to record all of the aspects of their life they are grateful for. Assure them that it’s fine to write the same things every day and really appreciate those things again and again! The journal entries can be in words or pictures. Encourage your child to write and or draw on a regular basis. Bed time thank you’s. Every night invite your child to share with you what they are grateful for and then you can share what you are grateful for with your child. It is a lovely way to go to sleep! It could go something along the lines of “thank you for my parents, for my baby sister, for my bear, for the park I play in etc”… If your child runs out of ideas, you can share some of the things you are grateful for that are relevant to your child for example “I am grateful for a family to care for and who care about me, I am grateful for all the lovely food we have, I am grateful for our home, my books and my friends. Encouraging an attitude of gratitude will help your children focus on the good aspects of their lives and children who do this regularly are generally happier, healthier and lead more fulfilling lives.