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Discussion by parenting expert Dr Rosina McAlpine on the importance of children developing the life skills around health and wellbeing.

Discussion by parenting expert Dr Rosina McAlpine on the importance of children developing life skills and how to develop their Personal Power - Self Esteem and Self Confidence.

In this video, parenting expert Dr Rosina talks about her personal experiences growing up and the effect on self esteem and confidence parents can have in their child's lives. Dr Rosina thought Leader for the international consciousness movement Parenting 2.0 and author of Inspired Children , presenting at the  P2.0 Talks.  P2.0 Talks was the first conference in history to gather educators from multiple professional fields and continents and recognize Life Skills as distinct, critical skill sets teachable by third party educators. LIFE SKILLS E BOOK SERIES

Did you have a Barbie doll as a child? Like the many girls around the world who have grown up with one or more Barbie dolls, I have many fond memories of changing her clothes, tugging at her mattered hair and smearing lipstick on her face! Many years ago now, but it sticks in my mind, I recall my niece saying “Aunty, can I please have just one more Barbie”, when I took her to select her birthday present at Toys R Us. At that time she already had 12 different Barbie dolls! Barbie has had many reincarnations from mermaid to doctor, but her greatest transformation yet is the new super hero Barbie. This Barbie is not your typical super hero who conquers evil with shear brute force, instead of “ka-pow” it’s “ka-bling”, where she uses her powers of forgiveness and friendship to help people. The fact that super hero Barbie is about ‘forgiveness and friendship’ is quite different to usual super hero values of fighting to overcome evil – lock up or kill bad guys. Barbie is being pitched to be more like a “modern day superhero with a modern day message” of  ‘friendship and forgiveness’. Rather than me versus you – it’s how can we resolve conflict and get along – isn’t this the role model we want for all of our children? Parents can use super hero Barbie to help their kids develop these values and life skills. The skills to resolve conflict peacefully, be able to control their emotions – rather than be out of control, to believe that people are ‘inherently good’ and should be forgiven for mistakes not condemned are all life skills that will help your child succeed in life. Could Barbie be the role model girls need to aspire to achieve more? Traditionally Barbie has represented glamour, fashion and fun, but with the addition of a mask, cape and super powers of forgiveness and friendship she is a modern super hero with a modern message. This could decrease the criticisms of for creating gender stereotypes - that girls play with dolls and have tea parties, while boys play with super heroes who conquer bad guys. What’s my point? Whilst the new super hero Barbie will be exciting for young girls, it’s the underlying message she represents that’s important. Barbie transforming into a superhero is a good first step towards changing gender stereotypes and inspiring young girls to find their “superness” within. On a final note, regardless of the ‘vehicle’ for the message – whether through a female super hero or at school or through good parenting … the key is that children –both boys and girls alike need to develop positive beliefs, good values and life skills that support them to succeed in life. This is a life skills approach to life and to parenting – my passion and mission. For more information on how you can help your children develop the life skills they need to fly through life have a look at my home activity ebook series . With step-by-step short 15 minute activities  you can help your children develop good self esteem, communication skills, resilience and emotional intelligence!

Think back to your childhood. Were you introverted or extroverted? Were you confident or insecure? Were you a risk taker or risk adverse? Did you rely on others for praise or did you look inside or a combination of the two to work out your self-concept? When I think back to my childhood, I was one of those children who was sometimes considered to be a bit 'annoying' by my teachers. Why? Because I was the noisy one in class! I loved learning so much that I wanted to participate in class and so I was always blurting out the answer or when I managed to restrain myself, I was begging to be picked because I knew the answers. I was an inquisitive student and unafraid of having a go, which meant that I didn’t leave much room for others to have turn! I did very well at school– proof that inquisitiveness, hard work and a love of learning do lead to academic success. With all of that, you’d think that I’d have a strong sense of self and good self-esteem. But unfortunately, that wasn't the case. It was only many years later that I realised that as a child, I lacked the life skills needed to empower myself. After I began researching for the Inspired Children program, I realised that my lack of self-esteem and lack of empowerment stemmed from my relationship with my dad. Growing up, my dad rarely offered words of encouragement and it was impossible to get him to say that he was proud of me – no matter how great my achievements. As you can imagine this devastated me and I realised that my drive to achieve was, to some extent, part of my quest to get him to acknowledge me by acknowledging my accomplishments. It was also through my research that I discovered that I was looking for the right things (Self Esteem and Empowerment) from the wrong source (my dad). As I didn’t receive any praise or external validation from my dad growing up I was determined that this wouldn’t happen when I became a mother – so I regularly praised my boy until I realised … this was not the way either! Internal Validation versus External Validation Self-confidence, Self-esteem and Self-efficacy, and all begin with one very important word – ‘Self’. Internal validation is all about ‘self’ judgments. External validation is all about external judgments. Studies show that external praise can turn kids into ‘praise junkies’ and my interactions with my own son were turning him into one as well. We both had to learn that always looking for praise from others - external validation to give us a reason to accomplish something was a recipe for disaster now and later in life. I had to learn to stop judging myself and determining my self-worth based on other people's judgment and expectations. Instead, I needed to learn to make judgments for myself about myself and become internally referenced instead of being externally validated. Once I understood how to be internally referenced, then I found a balance between my own input about things and the feedback from others, and I could empower my child to do the same. You might enjoy this short  v ideo on the topic as well.

Many times parents ask me about what they can do to change their child’s behaviour. For example, I received an email from a distraught mother asking for help.  “My son doesn’t have any friends, he gets picked on at school and he never stands up for himself. What can I do to help him?” Unfortunately this is a common story for many school children. An important step in making lasting positive changes to behaviours is to first uncover and challenge any limiting beliefs your child may have. You know that your beliefs drive your behaviours right? For example if you believe you can’t do something you are unlikely to try it, on the other hand if you believe you are capable of trying something new you are more likely to give it a go. It’s the same with your child. If your child doesn’t have any friends, begin by uncovering his beliefs about friends and friendships. Beliefs like: “It’s hard to make friends”, “Nobody wants to be my friend”, “I’ll never have friends” will not be supportive for coming up with ideas about how to make friends and then trying them out.  Changing beliefs isn’t easy, the key is to know that they are only beliefs and if your child is willing, they can change their beliefs. Think about it, how many times have your beliefs changed over your life? Helping a child to uncover and change limiting beliefs will help them be differently in the world.

Take a moment to think back to your childhood. Do you recall times when an adult scoffed at your concerns and dismissed your emotions? How did it make you feel? Now, think about whether you take your child’s emotions seriously? If not, how do think this makes your child feel? Acknowledge his emotions and help him to express them Raising an emotionally well-balanced child begins with acknowledging his concerns and feelings, and helping him find ways to appropriately vent anger, frustration, fear, and sorrow. Your little one's fear of monsters under the bed is ‘real’ to them so a dismissive comment like “don’t be silly there are no such things as monsters” can be hurtful! Alternatively you could help him understand his fear, find the true source of his worry, and then tackle the emotional Bogeyman together. Understanding the impact of emotions in our daily lives Let's face it, emotions are at the centre of our lives. If you’re in a really good mood, you tend to see life in a more positive light – appreciate that the sun shining, be a lot friendlier to others, and not get so upset if your child spills juice on the carpet. It's easy to see that emotions affect how we see and interpret the world, and how we respond to and behave in it. I’ve learned so much from the great work of Dr Joe Dispenza and interviewed him for my  Inspired Children book  where he shares his wealth of knowledge on raising emotionally intelligent kids. He shared in detail how he helped his own children to manage their emotions and behaviours by creating opportunities for them to learn and showing them, not telling them, how powerful they are in the world. Dr Joe’s children learned that they are able to make a huge impact in their own lives and the lives of those around and as such, they should be mindful of how their emotions and actions affect their surroundings. For example, he introduced this powerful exercise in his home for all members of his family – parents and children together. With just three pieces of bread – on one piece they wrote the word 'Love', on the next 'Hate', and on the third, 'Ignore'. Each piece was then placed in separate plastic bags and the ignore was hidden away in a cupboard. Every night for an entire month, the whole family would say positive affirmations to the bread labelled 'Love' using words like, "I love you. You're a beautiful piece of bread. You're the best bread I've seen in my life" with as much love and energy as they could put into it. The 'Hate' bread was treated to vile words and negative emotions, while the 'Ignore' bread was simply forgotten deep in the cupboard. After a period of time, the children saw that the 'Love' bread wasn't mouldy and revolting as the 'Hate' bread. On the other hand, the 'Ignore' bread was the worst of the three. Through that exercise, Dr. Dispenza's children understood how their emotions affected how they treated objects around them, which in turn, affected the general state of the object itself. He then talked about how it affected them inside their body to say words of hate or love and how these words might impact family and friends if used. Dr Joe goes into more details about how to support a child’s emotional intelligence and power in the world in two chapters in Inspired Children: how the leading minds of today raise their kids. In the same way we spend hours supporting our child’s academic achievements, raising an emotionally intelligent, well-balanced child requires instruction, effort, practice, discipline and a willingness for parents to grow and develop right beside their children.

Today’s children are experiencing an alarming increase in the rate of obesity, type II diabetes and other health-related issues that can be avoided by introducing simple healthy lifestyle habits as early as possible. As Parents are busy they need healthy life style choices they can easily introduce into daily life. I’ve had a number of health-related questions and so here are some ideas I hope you find helpful:  Increase your child’s physical activity and decrease their sedentary behaviours by turning off the TV and computers and encouraging your child to move! Walking, cycling, throwing/kicking a ball and swimming are all great physical activities. Invite your child to eat more nutritious whole foods and less junk foods by not keeping junk food in the house and only eating it on the weekend. Get children involved in all parts of the process from planning meals, purchasing fresh produce and preparing foods. Educate children about good nutrition and healthy choices.  Model good lifestyle choices for your child. If you eat well most of the time and exercise regularly your child is more likely to do so. Small lifestyle changes in each of these areas can make a huge difference to your whole family’s health! Here’s a short video on helping your children learn about health and wellbeing

Parents often feel guilty about not spending enough time with their children. Life is so busy with work, taking care of the home and all of the things that need to be done of when raising a family so there is often so little time to spend with the kids. It’s easy to see that if parents don’t spend quality time with their children, their children could come to the conclusion that they are not important and this can harm a child’s sense of self. So what can busy parents do? By taking the time to spend just 10-15 minutes of one-on-one quality time with each of your children every day, parents show their children that they are important, that their parents care and are interested in how they’re going and that they are there for their children if they need support, advice or just someone who’ll listen. You could schedule special time when your children get home from school, or after you return from work or after dinner or just before bed. If you have more than one child, you can schedule a one-on-one meeting at different times during the day or make it at the same time each day and meet with a different child on consecutive days. One-on-one time with your full attention says so much. Remember, no phone, no cooking or being distracted, just being 100 percent present with your child. What person wouldn’t feel loved and valued in that environment? So why not try it? Ask each of your children to think about how they might like to spend 10-15 minutes one-on-one with you every day. It could be to talk, go for a walk, kick a ball, play a game or just hang out and have a snack together. The key is to make it uninterrupted special time for your child, doing what they want to do with you, sharing what they want to share with you. If you can’t manage to find the time every day, then make it every second day. The key is to make regular special time and then to be present and available for your child. Making this small change to your daily routine can make an enormous difference in your child’s life and nurture the bond you share.

Parenting expert Dr Rosina interviews Jill Starishevsky author of My body Belongs to Me (available on  Amazon ) a resource for parents to help educate and protect children against child abuse. Jill is an Assistant District Attorney in New York City, where she has prosecuted hundreds of sex offenders and dedicated her career to seeking justice for victims of child abuse and sex crimes. Outside the courtroom, Jill's fondness for writing led her to create  thepoemlady.com , where she pens personalized pieces. Her mission to protect children, along with her penchant for poetry, inspired the book My Body Belongs to Me, a children’s book intended to prevent child sexual abuse by teaching three to eight year olds their bodies are private. A mother of three, Jill is also founder of  www.HowsMyNanny.com    a service that enables parents to purchase a license plate for their child's stroller so the public can report positive or negative nanny observations. She has also appeared on Oprah sharing hr important message.

As a family, we decided that Cameron would go to a Montessori  school.  We considered many different types of schools in our local area including state, private, Steiner and Montessori schools.  In the end it was an easy decision and we chose a Montessori education. Here are just some of the many reasons:  Montessori is a very practical education where children learn lots of life skills right from a very young age like 2-3 year-olds learn to use tongs to serve fruit, sweep the floor, plant seeds, sing songs to learn colours, flower arranging and enjoy gardening all while learning about life. Children can start as young as 6 months old with their parents. We did this with Cameron and Colin, myself and my mum took turns in taking him so we all learned about how to support his development. It was as much a parent education as a child education and being a new mum - I learned a lot!   Every transition from us being there to us leaving him alone was slow and supported and so it was tear free! Cameron went for a few hours once a week until he was 2.5 with a family member. After 2 years of this, we left him with his teachers for a few hours a week. When it was time for him to transition to the 3-6 year old class he was already used to us leaving him and he started 2 half days at school then 3, then 4 until we had reached 5 half days. At four year old he was 3 full days and 2 half days and finally when he became a five year old ... now it is 5 full days. Each transition made it easy for parents and children. The system is student focused so the children themselves have a role in their curriculum development. For example our Cameron LOVES flags, so he has been drawing flags from around the world and learning to read, write and things about different countries and cultures all through working with flags. He has certainly taught Colin and I a few things! His favourite flag is Cameroon ... because it looks like his name Cameron except that it has an extra 'o'. The ratio of teachers/teaching assistants to students is around 10 to 1 as opposed to 30 to 1 in many schools so Cameron has all the individualised help and attention he needs. Children can therefore work on their own interests, at their own pace and don't have to keep up with or conform to a whole class experience. Children are taught many social skills and to care for others. For example, in the 3-6 class, Cameron is now 5 and the 5 year-olds need to hold the gate open for the 3 year-olds and help them out when they ask for help. I remember how happy I felt when another little 5 year old boy in his class told me he helped Cameron with his shoes when he was just a 3 year old. Both the creative and intellectual sides of the brain are developed. This is important to us as Cameron loves painting, craft and drawing as much as he loves numbers, letters and reading. Cameron says he wants to be an artist when he grows up! These are just some of the wonderful aspects of a Montessori education, to learn more you can listen to my interview with Montessori teacher. Matty van Drempt has 25 years experience working as a Montessori teacher!  Matty’s journey into Montessori began when she chose to enrol her own children in a Montessori school. Her children attended a Montessori school from the age of 3 till they were 12 and it was a great experience and made such a positive impact on her whole family that it inspired Matty to complete the Montessori training to become a teacher herself! Matty was born in The Netherlands and has been living in Australia for over 2 decades. Matty enjoys her work so much that in 2005 she undertook further training by completing a Masters in educating children from birth to 3 years. She is currently working with babies/toddlers and parents at Forestville Montessori School in Sydney Australia. Matty will share her experience and insights into children's development and how it is supported through a Montessori Education.

When you think of creativity and children, images of finger painting, craft, play dough and drawing generally come to mind. And of course arts and crafts are fabulous ways to inspire creativity in children. However, you can encourage your young children's creativity in less 'messy' ways by using questions and story telling. A good question has the potential to inspire imagination and creative thinking. One way you can do this is to ask interesting questions while reading a book to your children. Ask age appropriate questions like –“ if you were this boy/girl, what would you do?” “Where do you think the sun goes at night?”  “Why do you think the grandma feels sad?”  or “what would you do to help your friend?”  By challenging your children with questions that invite them to consider new concepts and ideas you enable them to use their imagination and develop their creativity.  Another powerful way to inspire your children's creativity is to invite them to engage in story-telling. For older children, you can talk over some themes they might like to explore and leave them to type or write out their story. They may also like to illustrate their story. Recently a friend's child completed a children's story (words and illustrations) as an assignment for school. Our Cameron was given this story as a gift and he LOVES it! As Cameron is young, we tell stories together. This is one of our rituals at bed time. Once we decide on a theme I generally make a start and then Cameron adds the next part. If he is stuck, I ask him a question to help him along. It is so much fun to see where his imagination goes. We have been doing this for years now, and as time goes by his stories have become more sophisticated and we have developed quite complex stories on some of his more popular themes. Why not try questioning and story-telling with your children. It is fun, educational and helps your child develop their imagination and creativity.  Find out more in our Inspired Creativity  E Book.