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When disciplining, our communication can support our children to develop of a strong sense of self or it can make them doubt themselves.  For example, if our words focus on the child’s behaviour we can help them learn how to act in the world appropriately without hurting their self-esteem. To explain with an example, let’s say your child refuses to share their toys – a common developmental stage for toddlers. If your communication is along the lines of “oh you’re a naughty boy. Why can’t you be more like your friend Braden he shares his toys? Good boys share with their friends when will you learn to share with your friends?” Calling a child a naughty boy or comparing them to others can really hurt their self-esteem. Children can internalise “I am naughty and I’m not good enough” which is obviously harmful to their self-esteem. However, if parents focus on the child’s behaviour in their communication this can help them learn how to act in the world appropriately without hurting their sense of self.  For example:  “You know I love you, but what you’re doing right now is not OK. Playing together and sharing your toys with friends is important. Can you see how Braden is upset now that you won’t share your toys? You like it when other children share toys with you don’t you? What toy will you like to share with Braden? You can choose any toy you would like to offer him, come on pick something.” Children may not choose anything to share the first time you try this and you may need to do this many times until they start to understand and cooperate. It’s all about learning over time in a gentle and caring way – one which supports your child’s development and their sense of self. Allowing your child to choose the toy they want to share shows them you that acknowledge the toys are theirs, that you value their choices and most importantly it shows that you respect them. This helps build good self-esteem.  Little by little, sharing will become a natural part of life as the fear of their toys being taken away declines and the joy of playing together becomes more important.  Sharing is a wonderful skill for life!

The Importance of the time before conception - preconception Raising Inspired Children begins even before the baby is conceived. Sadly, current statistics indicate that couples are finding it increasingly problematic to conceive and with the number of stressful and difficult pregnancies on the rise, many couples are left in financial and emotional turmoil after simply trying to bring a beautiful being into this world. While doing research for my book,  Inspired Children: How the leading minds of to day raised their children , I included the work of Jan Roberts the author of  Great Stuff to Know Before you Conceive  among many other books. Jan's research into preconception and pregnancy guides future parents through the stages of preconception, conception, birth, pregnancy, and toddlerhood. I interviewed Jan on so she could share her knowledge and insights with all the parents in the Inspired Children community. She had so much to say I have summarised it in a three part series. Here is what Jan had to say about preparing for conception (the preconception period) and her insights into helping parents conceive and raise healthy and happy babies. The concepts surrounding preconception Having Inspired Babies begins long before conception and pregnancy. Before the doctor, doula, obstetrician, midwife, or hospitals enter the picture, raising inspired children starts with prospective parents who are committed to giving their baby the best possible start in life and the best start in life begins with proper nutrition. An abundance of key vitamins, minerals, trace elements, essential fatty and amino acids are pivotal building blocks of life. The preconception period revolves around a well-balanced diet for both the future mum and dad, since the health and viability of both the gametes (egg and sperm) are crucial for successful fertilization and conception. Vitamins, minerals, and trace elements like Zinc, Iodine, and Folic Acid not only boost gamete production, but also improve the vitality and quality of the eggs and sperm being released, which in turn, reduces the risk of many common birth defects. The magic number is "4" Couples who are planning to conceive should think about implementing a preparation scheme and dietary plan at least four months before their intended conception timeframe. This number is not pulled out of thin air; there's a scientific reason behind it. Starting a detox program, changing your dietary habits, getting lots of exercise, and cutting out various vices (especially cigarettes, drugs and alcohol) four months in advance allows ample time for beneficial nutrients and amino acids to become incorporated into the formation of the eggs and sperm and toxins to be flushed from the body. This timetable also enables the body to build up reserves of key nutritional elements in preparation for conception. Preconception programs aren't only for women Future mums aren't the only ones that should be preoccupied with preparing for conception and pregnancy. When it comes to making Inspired Babies, healthy, viable eggs are only half the equation. Dads-to-be should take every precaution to ensure that their sperm is also in a healthy condition. Thanks to the science of Epigenetics, we now know that physical, emotional, and nutritional deficiencies are inheritable and can affect the quality of the gametes. Dr Bruce Lipton goes into this in great detail in chapter 1 of  Inspired Children: How the leading minds of today raised their children . Studies have shown that there are possible links between the risk of obesity in children and obese parents, therefore, minimizing the exposure of both parents to harmful lifestyle choices gives their offspring the greatest opportunity to achieve their full potential.  Preconception Checklist Before making babies, would-be parents may want to tick off a few items on this Preconception checklist: In consultation with a nutritionist, begin a pregnancy dietary program at least four months before the planned timeframe for conception. Consult with a health professional such as a naturopath and stock up on key essential fatty and amino acids, minerals like Zinc, Magnesium, Iodine, and Calcium, and vitamins like Vitamins C, D, E, and the Vitamin B complex (which includes Folic Acid and Riboflavin). In consultation with your health practitioner, stop taking prescription medications (including oral contraceptives) at least four months prior to planned timeframe of conception. At least four months prior to conception, eliminate drugs, alcohol, caffeine, and nicotine from your lifestyle. Fresher is better. Where possible, eat fresh, organic foods and minimise your intake of canned or dried foods, especially those loaded with preservatives and additives. Minimise your exposure to electromagnetic radiation. Cut down on your use of microwaves, laptops, cell phones, and similar devices. In conjunction with your healthcare professional, engage in an exercise regime or any other means of staying mobile and active. Avoid excessive exposure to stressful situations and find time to relax and unwind. Take care of your emotional well-being by seeking the advice of a therapist or a group of good friends for mental and emotional support. Raising an Inspired Child begins long before your child is even conceived and so focusing on health and wellbeing in the preconception period is key. Both future parents need to ensure that they are mentally, emotionally, and physically prepared to embark on this wonderful, new phase in Life and are equipped with the necessary life skills to turn the science of Child Development into the art of Parenting. In parts 2 and 3 of my interview with Jan, she shares more of her insights into pregnancy and child birth. Stay tuned! About Jan Roberts After earning a Bachelor's degree in Pharmacy in 1967, Jan worked for fifteen years in the field of Community Pharmacy. She subsequently completed her diploma in Clinical Nutrition and along the way, her interest in Preconception Care was awakened; an interest that hasn't died thirty years later. During her early years in Preconception Care, Jan observed and understood the plight of new Mums, especially those who had endured the rigours of having difficult pregnancies. She started The Breastfeeding Association and later developed  The Better Babies Series  as a way to promote Preconception Care and help new parents prepare for pregnancy, childbirth, and the joys of Parenthood.

Healthy babies: eliminating toxins and stress My last blog post featured the work of Jan Roberts, author of Great Stuff to Know before you Conceive. I interviewed Jan on the Inspired Children Radio Show and she shared her extensive knowledge and insights on the topic of preconception, conception, pregnancy, birth and babies. She had so much to say I had to summarise it in a three part series. In part 1, Jan talked about preparing for conception (the preconception period) and shared her insights into helping parents conceive and raise healthy and happy babies. In part 2 below, there is more on conceiving babies by eliminating toxins and stress in order to prepare for the body for conceiving and a growing a healthy child. The final part in the series is on pregnancies and childbirth. There's more than just nature in our food Sadly, chemicals are now a part of our food supply. Long gone are the days when our meals were predominantly home-cooked with produce grown in nature. Thousands of artificial dyes, flavours, preservatives, and conditioners may be added to cans and other packaged foods and thanks to complex food labelling laws, many of these are never actually reported on the product's packaging. As such, future parents can easily be exposed to a variety of chemicals that are harmful to their own bodies and their unborn children. But our food supply isn't the only thing loaded with dangerous chemicals. Many household products and items that we use without a second thought are filled with artificial stabilisers and additives that may be safe in small doses, but our dependence on these items inadvertently exposes us to large quantities of harmful toxins. Shampoos, deodorants, other personal care items often contain parabens and other chemicals that are known to increase the risk of infertility, but because these items are usually in small quantities, they are considered safe for human consumption by most governing bodies. While this may be true, consider the fact that the simple act of getting ready for work in the mornings can expose both future parents to large quantities of parabens from the soap, shaving gels, lotions, perfumes, and hair products being used. The Solution: Reducing the risk to yourself and your unborn child can be as simple as going ‘green’. Certified organic products, home grown foods, and a few simple solutions from Grandma's pantry (like baking soda and vinegar) contain little or no preservatives or additives, which minimise the exposure of would-be Mums and Dads to harmful chemicals. Our technology addictions are harmful too In the fast paced modern world that we all live in, staying connected on the go is crucial. But the longer future Mums and Dads stay plugged into the grid, the higher their exposure is to electromagnetic radiation. Placing mobile devices in pockets and handbags or laptops on laps, means they are near reproductive organs, which exposes vulnerable gametes (eggs and sperm) to harmful radiation and this can have a negative impact on the health of an unborn children. The Solution: Although unplugging completely is virtually impossible, minimising exposure (especially during the preconception period and pregnancy) by cutting down on your online time, reheating food on the stovetop instead of the microwaves, or simply placing your laptop on a table instead of working with it in your lap can reduce the impact of electromagnetic radiation on your most vulnerable ones. Take a break from your prescriptions Prescription medicines can directly affect the health and viability of eggs and sperm, thus causing a plethora of issues for conception and an unborn child. The Solution: Long before their planned timeframe for conception, future Mums and Dads should consult medical practitioners to explore where they can cut back or eliminate prescription medicines and where possible find natural alternatives to treat their ailments. This is especially true when it comes to oral contraceptives, since it can take up to three months for a woman's hormone levels and egg production to return to normal. Stress and sweating the small stuff It's not science fiction; various experiments in the emerging science of Epigenetics have proven the effects of emotional trauma and poor life style choices on genes and how this damage can be passed down through the generations. Stress depletes the body's reserves of nutrients and energy, and weakens the immune system, which results in the production of eggs and sperm that aren't of optimal quality. The Solution: Mums and Dads-to-be need to invest time into discovering new ways to relax and unwind long before having children. Learning breathing techniques having a regular relaxing massage or taking a yoga or medication class are some of the many options for reducing stress. De-stressing boosts the effects of good nutrition and proper exercise, leading to the best conditions for conceiving healthy babies.  Unwinding with a massage encourages the release of the feel good hormone of love, Oxytocin, which is normally released when a mother breastfeeds. This hormone helps mothers bond with their babies and makes mothers feel happy, which in turn counters the effects of stress. Hit the gym Ready to exercise? Taking the time to exercise gets the heart pumping efficiently, which enhances circulation and improves the delivery of the healthy nutrients to vital organs and systems, including the reproductive organs. The Solution: Hitting the gym or any form of regular exercise is good for both parents and their future babies. Remember to consult your health practitioner before incorporating exercise into your daily routine. As part of a preconception program Mums and Dads-to-be can share and encourage each other to stay with the exercise routine. By sharing the experience together they can form positive emotional bonds with each other - promoting a sense of togetherness and stability within the household – perfect setting for a baby. Increasing the chance of bringing a healthy, happy baby into this world is the responsibility of both parents. Although this may seem daunting, keeping it simple is the best way – simple regular exercise routine, simple, nature and healthy foods and minimising stress go a long way! In the final part of this three part summary of my interview with Jan, she shares more of her insights into pregnancy and child birth. Stay tuned!

Healthy Pregnancy and Childbirth Every expectant mother wishes for a stress and illness free pregnancy and hopes for an easy birth – but unfortunately it does not always work out that way. There are ways you can support this special time in your life. I interviewed Jan and in part 1, Jan talked about preparing for conception and shared her insights into helping parents conceive and raise healthy and happy babies. In part 2 she provided ways to decrease toxins and stress supporting the health of parents and babies. In this final part in the series here’s what Jan had to say about health pregnancies and childbirth. The best way to support a healthy and stress free pregnancy is to start before conception! When it comes to conceiving an inspired and healthy child parents can benefit from a good preconception program, which in turn, helps them to have a healthy, stress-free pregnancy and ultimately improves the chances of having a natural birth without excessive medical intervention. This in turn leads to a great start for both child and Mum. Childhood trauma and how it affects Pregnancy and Childbirth Every cell in the human body is programmed to remember past trauma; this is simply Nature's way of helping humans avoid situations that are potentially harmful. If a woman had a difficult birth or pregnancy in the past, then her body will automatically remember the event. Unfortunately, this cell memory can make expectant mothers anxious and fearful about giving birth and, in the eyes of the experts of epigentics, this cell memory can be passed along the family tree, adversely impacting the health of future generations. Overcoming anxiety starts with acknowledging the source of the trauma and exploring and overcoming the negative emotions that it evokes. Once the problem has been identified, if mums-to-be don’t believe they can resolve the issues on their own, they can seek professional support in order to de-stress and recalibrate their emotions. Physical activities boost the levels of feel good hormones that help soothe away fear. Most importantly, the mind is more powerful than most people realise, as such, repeating positive affirmations can help mothers mentally reprogram themselves and provide a boost of confidence in their ability to do what is already encoded in their DNA. Future Mums should learn to trust their maternal instincts and believe in themselves. Postnatal Depression Postnatal depression is a silent disease that has fast become a global epidemic, affecting 1 in 3 new mothers annually. The illness encompasses a variety of symptoms, from feeling lethargic (known as the Maternity Blues) and decreased sex drive to spells of anxiety, panic, and anger. New parents believe that they are powerless to fight this serious condition, but surprisingly, the onset and the psychological, physical, and emotional damage from Postnatal Depression can be delayed or counteracted by using a combination of nutritional care, mental support, and a well-rounded Preconception Care program. One way to reduce the chance of Postnatal Depression is to tackle the hormonal imbalances that are often associated with the condition. At least four months before the planned conception timeframe, future Mums should ensure that their hormone levels are stable and normal by visiting their doctors for a thorough physical. Getting the right nutrients, vitamins, minerals, essential fatty and amino acids through a well-balanced diet is a great way to help maintain balanced hormone levels. Staying active and getting lots of exercise complements any balanced nutritional program, since doing so ensures that important nutrients are adequately distributed throughout the body and encourages the release of beneficial neurotransmitters like the hormone Oxytocin, which causes feelings of euphoria and happiness. Dealing with Misinformation and Confusion Shortly after giving birth to our son, Cameron, my husband and I realised that we were needed a lot of help when it came to raising a happy, healthy and well-balanced child. Instincts and intuition are very valuable but it’s not enough. Parents natural instincts combined with good information empowers parents to be confident in their decisions. For example research shows that having a baby sleep in the same room as the parents in the early days of life reduces the incidence of sudden infant death syndrome in babies by 30%. Now that is good information to have when deciding where the baby should sleep! As many couples prepare for the joys of becoming new parents, they realise that they are faced with a plethora of challenges and questions. My book,  Inspired Children: How the leading minds of today raised their children    provides parents with the latest research from pre-conception to teen years from experts from all over the world. Most importantly it is easy to read and turns the science of Child Development into the art of Parenting.

The Anti-Princess Club: Writer mum creates girls’ book series minus the princesses JANE HANSEN LISA MAYOH, THE SUNDAY TELEGRAPH, FEBRUARY 22, 2015 WHEN Samantha Turnbull went looking for inspiring books for her little girl Liberty she found nothing but princesses and fairies. Shocked at what she described as the “princessification” of everything and anything aimed at young girls right down to the newborn level, she decided to do something about it. The result is The Anti-Princess Club, a new book that has old-school princess stereotypes firmly in its sights. “I went to the department store to buy some books for my daughter when she was only a few months old and there was not a single book that didn’t have a princess or a fairy,” she said. “I wanted to show her that there was more than one way to being a girl.” Read More

Research reveals technology limits for children have suffered as parents struggle to manage at home. Parenting expert Dr Rosina interviewed for Daily Telegraph article

To give our children the best chance to succeed in the world, we need to give them the skills to help them interact and communicate with others in a caring and respectful way. Learning social skills that help children to nurture relationships will help them make friends and be loving members of their family and their community.

Discussion by parenting expert Dr Rosina McAlpine on the importance of children developing the life skills around health and wellbeing.

Discussion by parenting expert Dr Rosina McAlpine on the importance of children developing life skills and how to develop their Personal Power - Self Esteem and Self Confidence.

In this video, parenting expert Dr Rosina talks about her personal experiences growing up and the effect on self esteem and confidence parents can have in their child's lives. Dr Rosina thought Leader for the international consciousness movement Parenting 2.0 and author of Inspired Children , presenting at the  P2.0 Talks.  P2.0 Talks was the first conference in history to gather educators from multiple professional fields and continents and recognize Life Skills as distinct, critical skill sets teachable by third party educators. LIFE SKILLS E BOOK SERIES

Did you have a Barbie doll as a child? Like the many girls around the world who have grown up with one or more Barbie dolls, I have many fond memories of changing her clothes, tugging at her mattered hair and smearing lipstick on her face! Many years ago now, but it sticks in my mind, I recall my niece saying “Aunty, can I please have just one more Barbie”, when I took her to select her birthday present at Toys R Us. At that time she already had 12 different Barbie dolls! Barbie has had many reincarnations from mermaid to doctor, but her greatest transformation yet is the new super hero Barbie. This Barbie is not your typical super hero who conquers evil with shear brute force, instead of “ka-pow” it’s “ka-bling”, where she uses her powers of forgiveness and friendship to help people. The fact that super hero Barbie is about ‘forgiveness and friendship’ is quite different to usual super hero values of fighting to overcome evil – lock up or kill bad guys. Barbie is being pitched to be more like a “modern day superhero with a modern day message” of  ‘friendship and forgiveness’. Rather than me versus you – it’s how can we resolve conflict and get along – isn’t this the role model we want for all of our children? Parents can use super hero Barbie to help their kids develop these values and life skills. The skills to resolve conflict peacefully, be able to control their emotions – rather than be out of control, to believe that people are ‘inherently good’ and should be forgiven for mistakes not condemned are all life skills that will help your child succeed in life. Could Barbie be the role model girls need to aspire to achieve more? Traditionally Barbie has represented glamour, fashion and fun, but with the addition of a mask, cape and super powers of forgiveness and friendship she is a modern super hero with a modern message. This could decrease the criticisms of for creating gender stereotypes - that girls play with dolls and have tea parties, while boys play with super heroes who conquer bad guys. What’s my point? Whilst the new super hero Barbie will be exciting for young girls, it’s the underlying message she represents that’s important. Barbie transforming into a superhero is a good first step towards changing gender stereotypes and inspiring young girls to find their “superness” within. On a final note, regardless of the ‘vehicle’ for the message – whether through a female super hero or at school or through good parenting … the key is that children –both boys and girls alike need to develop positive beliefs, good values and life skills that support them to succeed in life. This is a life skills approach to life and to parenting – my passion and mission. For more information on how you can help your children develop the life skills they need to fly through life have a look at my home activity ebook series . With step-by-step short 15 minute activities  you can help your children develop good self esteem, communication skills, resilience and emotional intelligence!

Think back to your childhood. Were you introverted or extroverted? Were you confident or insecure? Were you a risk taker or risk adverse? Did you rely on others for praise or did you look inside or a combination of the two to work out your self-concept? When I think back to my childhood, I was one of those children who was sometimes considered to be a bit 'annoying' by my teachers. Why? Because I was the noisy one in class! I loved learning so much that I wanted to participate in class and so I was always blurting out the answer or when I managed to restrain myself, I was begging to be picked because I knew the answers. I was an inquisitive student and unafraid of having a go, which meant that I didn’t leave much room for others to have turn! I did very well at school– proof that inquisitiveness, hard work and a love of learning do lead to academic success. With all of that, you’d think that I’d have a strong sense of self and good self-esteem. But unfortunately, that wasn't the case. It was only many years later that I realised that as a child, I lacked the life skills needed to empower myself. After I began researching for the Inspired Children program, I realised that my lack of self-esteem and lack of empowerment stemmed from my relationship with my dad. Growing up, my dad rarely offered words of encouragement and it was impossible to get him to say that he was proud of me – no matter how great my achievements. As you can imagine this devastated me and I realised that my drive to achieve was, to some extent, part of my quest to get him to acknowledge me by acknowledging my accomplishments. It was also through my research that I discovered that I was looking for the right things (Self Esteem and Empowerment) from the wrong source (my dad). As I didn’t receive any praise or external validation from my dad growing up I was determined that this wouldn’t happen when I became a mother – so I regularly praised my boy until I realised … this was not the way either! Internal Validation versus External Validation Self-confidence, Self-esteem and Self-efficacy, and all begin with one very important word – ‘Self’. Internal validation is all about ‘self’ judgments. External validation is all about external judgments. Studies show that external praise can turn kids into ‘praise junkies’ and my interactions with my own son were turning him into one as well. We both had to learn that always looking for praise from others - external validation to give us a reason to accomplish something was a recipe for disaster now and later in life. I had to learn to stop judging myself and determining my self-worth based on other people's judgment and expectations. Instead, I needed to learn to make judgments for myself about myself and become internally referenced instead of being externally validated. Once I understood how to be internally referenced, then I found a balance between my own input about things and the feedback from others, and I could empower my child to do the same. You might enjoy this short  v ideo on the topic as well.