Search Results

Human babies are among the most vulnerable living beings. Left alone, they die in a matter of hours or days at most. Babies depend on their carers for their physical, emotional and psychological wellbeing and how they experience their early years can have a significant impact on how they live their whole life. When our son Cameron was born, I felt vulnerable and overwhelmed by the responsibility of raising another human being. What did I know about his nurturing his physical, psychological and emotional development? As a parent, thinking about how I might ‘wreck’ him was really scary. For the last five years I have been reading the latest research in child development and parenting, and it has helped me to feel more confident as a parent. My research has revealed that there are a number of fundamental basics that help parents grow their vulnerable babies into capable, caring and inspired adults. While I’m certainly not claiming to have all of the answers, and even if I did, I could hardly fit them all in one blog post, nevertheless I’d like to share some of the key things I’ve learned about raising happy, healthy and well-adjusted children. START PREPARING BEFORE CONCEPTION The new science of epigenetics shows that your lifestyle choices prior to conceiving your child affect your child’s development. Your physical, emotional and psychological wellbeing can either have a positive or negative effect on your unborn child. A healthy lifestyle gives your baby the best start in life through the parent’s sperm and egg. PREGNANCY Mothers to be who enjoy a balanced whole food diet, engage in regular exercise and, for the most part are rested and calm during their pregnancy, create the best environment for their baby to form a healthy physical body including their brain development. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Once your baby arrives, give her love, love and more love! Of course, this is a no brainer but as it is so important, it bears mention. Cuddle, kiss, hold, interact with, respond to and love your baby. The more that babies are held, talked to and experience a safe world the more secure they feel and the more they learn and develop. BE HAPPY, HEALTHY AND INSPIRED Parents are a child’s most influential role model. If you lead a happy, healthy and inspired life, you help your child to learn how to do just that. A happy and healthy parent is more likely to have the time, patience and care to raise an inspired child. A tired, depressed and unhealthy parent is neither a good role model for their child or will have what it take to support their development. FOCUS ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR CHILD The bond between people is determined by the depth of love, care, respect and admiration they have for each other. Supporting the relationship between a parent and a child must be at the heart of all parenting decisions. Parents can ask themselves ‘how will my actions impact my child and our relationship?’ For example: yelling at my child and calling him names is likely to have a negative impact on our relationship. On the other hand, care, consideration and respectful communication will grow our love and bond with each other. LIFE SKILL APPROACH TO PARENTING We want our children to be enabled in life. Taking a life skill approach to parenting means that parents can nurture their child’s development across many key areas including: the development of healthy self-esteem, resilience, financial literacy, ability to relate to others, a good understanding of nutrition and the importance of exercise, how to manage emotions and behaviours and the ability to set and achieve their goals… just to name a few. If parents take just 10-15 minutes a day to help their children develop life skills they will be giving their children a strong foundation for life success. Remember, if you empower your children by teaching them how to think, how to create supportive working and family relationships and how to manage their emotions and behaviours rather than ‘telling’ them what to think and how to act and who to be, then you can feel confident that your children will be able to navigate life successfully even when you are not there to protect and to guide them.

Parents often feel guilty about their parenting. Perhaps you feel that too? Mums and dads often feel guilty about working long hours and not spending enough time with the kids, being short tempered and yelling a lot or feeling helpless when your children are having a hard time with friends or school. BUT, feeling guilty and stressed about parenting actually undermines your parenting. When you feel guilty and stressed you feel bad so you’re unlikely to come up with a great idea to resolve the issue and you’ll behave out of guilt or anger instead of love. So when you think about it like that you can see that feeling guilty is NOT what good parenting is about. What can you do? Research studies have shown that it is not about the quantity of time but the quality of time parents spend with their children that has the best outcomes. Instead of feeling guilty, can you: make time to read with your young child which will support your child’s language development and inspire a love of learning. go for a walk with your teenager, check in and ask how things are going. Then listen, listen, listen without offering advice, so you’re adolescent knows you’re interested and you’re there if they need support. make a favourite meal and have one or more relaxed dinners together as a family with everyone having a turn to share their highlights of the day. find a little time in the evening, like just before bed, that you can have some quiet time together with your child and tell them how much you love them. It’s these short quality interactions with your child that makes for good parenting.

The news is filled with stories on bullying in schools, bullying in the workplace and with the increased use of technology, cyberbullying can be a constant, never-ending and relentless attack on your child. While some acts are clearly bullying – like a child regularly, wilfully, and intentionally physically hurting another child - other acts are not as easy to recognise as bullying. Do you know the difference between bullying and kids just having some harmless fun together? As a loving parent it’s important for to know the distinction so you can help your child navigate life’s challenges. Children need to be able to protect themselves from bullies and also be able to manage light-hearted play without it causing them to feel overwhelmed by hurt or stress. It’s also really important to make sure your own children are treating each other with care and respect and one child isn’t being allowed to bully their sibling. Every parent wants to raise happy, healthy and well-balanced kids. BUT, it’s not always easy to know the “right” thing to do. There is so much conflicting parenting advice today, leaving parents confused, especially when it comes to bullying. What is the right approach? SHOULD I LET THE KIDS SORT IT OUT THEMSELVES? But what if that ends in someone getting seriously hurt. SHOULD I INTERVENE AND HELP MY CHILDREN LEARN THE RIGHT WAY TO BE? But what if this makes it worse for my child and they don’t get the chance to learn how to handle life’s challenges. SHOULD I STEP BACK AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS AND IF IT’S NOT GOING THE RIGHT WAY – INTERVENE THEN? But what if I’m too late! What if I don’t do anything and something really bad happens – I’d never forgive myself.

Are your children grateful for the people, the possessions and the experiences in their lives? Well, research shows that it can be of benefit for your children to develop an “attitude of gratitude”. Being grateful helps children become aware of and appreciate the good things in their lives and not take them for granted. This allows children to know what is important in their life and what makes them happy, which helps them identify and achieve life goals for a full and inspired life! Studies also show both mental and physical benefits for people who are actively grateful on a daily basis. For example: grateful people are healthier as they take better care of themselves in relation to diet and exercise gratitude helps people cope better with daily issues especially managing stress gratitude helps people be more optimistic which boosts the immune system.  So, what can parents do to help their children practice gratitude? Here are some activities that you could invite your children to complete to help them achieve the many benefits of being grateful and learn skills for life.  Journaling. You may like to give your child a special note book or journal to record all of the aspects of their life they are grateful for. Assure them that it’s fine to write the same things every day and really appreciate those things again and again! The journal entries can be in words or pictures. Encourage your child to write and or draw on a regular basis. Bed time thank you’s. Every night invite your child to share with you what they are grateful for and then you can share what you are grateful for with your child. It is a lovely way to go to sleep! It could go something along the lines of “thank you for my parents, for my baby sister, for my bear, for the park I play in etc”… If your child runs out of ideas, you can share some of the things you are grateful for that are relevant to your child for example “I am grateful for a family to care for and who care about me, I am grateful for all the lovely food we have, I am grateful for our home, my books and my friends. Encouraging an attitude of gratitude will help your children focus on the good aspects of their lives and children who do this regularly are generally happier, healthier and lead more fulfilling lives.

Life is really busy, right? While busy can be exciting, more often than not it also leads to a lot of stress! We all know that prolonged stress is harmful for our health and it’s estimated that 95% of all diseases stem from stress. What many pregnant women may not know is that stress during pregnancy can also be harmful to their babies. Research shows that when mums-to-be experience stressful pregnancies, there is an increased likelihood that their children will develop physical, behavioural and emotional problems.Dr Monique Robinson has been researching this area for over a decade and shares her research in Chapter 2 of my book  Inspired Children:  How the leading minds of today raise their kids. I interviewed Dr Robinson on the Inspired Children radio program where she shared the impact of stress in pregnancy on babies as well as ways that pregnant mothers can reduce their stress and I’ve summarised some of the key points from our interview in this article an a follow-up article as a two part series on my blog. Stress is on the rise and so is ADD and ADHD Have you noticed that there is an increase the overall stress levels in our society today when compared with just the last decade? Most people feel some level of stress on a daily basis especially if they have children. Pregnant women and no exception as this can be a highly stressful time of life. The worry is that increased stress during pregnancy can be linked to the growing the number of children with emotional, behavioural and other issues like ADD and ADHD. So what can parents do? The first thing is to educate mums and dads-to-be that there is a biological connection between stress during pregnancy and the emotional and mental health of their babies. While some level of anxiety is a normal part of daily life, prolonged stress can adversely affect the development of your child long before a baby is even born. It's the little things that matter Stressful events happen in the world on a daily basis – some affect individuals while others can affect a nation. Most pregnant women will not experience stress from a cataclysmic event like a major earthquake or man-made natural disaster. In fact, it's the events that occur in our everyday lives that have the greatest potential to do harm the developing baby. Financial issues, death in the family, relationship problems, worrying about what a mother-to-be can and can’t eat can all add up and result in more and more stress for both the mother and the baby. Individually, these things don’t seem like they could have an impact, but when multiple factors are at play all at once or occur sequentially over a long time, they can not only have an impact on the pregnancy woman’s health but also her child’s development. This is how it works: The physiological impact of stress When a pregnant woman is exposed to stress factors, her body automatically goes into'fight, flight or freeze' mode as a defence mechanism to help her survive. Stress triggers the release of hormones like adrenaline and cortisol which prepares the body to react and these hormones increase the heart rate, constrict blood vessels, and prepare the muscles and lungs to do more work. The body becomes hypersensitive to stimuli in an effort to ensure that there is no delay in the transmission of nerve signals in the body so the mother can have a quick response time to get away from danger! While these reactions may beneficial in the short term if there is a physical danger the mother needs to get out of the way of like a moving car, however, our main life stresses aren’t usually solved by moving more quickly for example: money problems, relationship issues or the death of a family or friend!   Our body’s aren’t designed to maintain a heightened level of  stress for long periods of time, as a result, heart muscles and various organs become overworked and fatigued.These stress hormones also pulse through the baby’s bloodstream via the umbilical chord, so the baby is also in a heightened state of stress causing harm to the growingfoetus. Nature versus Nurture The longstanding debate of nature versus nurture informs our understanding the physical impact of stress on both mother and child. Although it is true that a foetus will inherit certain genetic tendencies from its parents, it is the exposure to environment – that is the stimuli within the womb – that determines which genes get switched on and which get switched off, therefore making the baby predisposed to certain conditions later in life. When an unborn child is constantly in an environment that is flooded with stress hormones and always in 'ready-for-battle' mode, the body and brain will develop in response to this heightened state of stress.  Research has shown that babies experiencing a calmer environment in the womb are more likely to develop a larger forebrain and be more intelligent. On the other hand, babies experiencing heightened stress in the womb are more likely to develop larger muscles (making them stronger to tackle the danger), a larger hindbrain and are more hyper-alert to the environment helping them be more ready for ‘fighting and defending themselves’.  That is, the environment the child is experiencing in the womb is shaping and preparing it for survival in the outside world. The stress hormones in the mother’s blood also cause her body to reduce the flow of key nutrients to her womb, which in turn starves her baby of valuable trace elements, vitamins, and minerals needed for body and brain development. Research shows that stressful pregnancies are more likely to result in underweight babies with lower IQs who are more prone to mental issues like chronic depression, irritability, and ADD and ADHD and other behavioural issues. What's a mother to do? A body can either be in growth and repair or fight or flight. We need to give the developing foetus the best chance for physical and psychological growth and that occurs most effectively in a calm and safe environment. While the physiological and psychological impact of prolonged exposure to stress during pregnancy carries a huge weight on the health of an unborn baby, going through a stressful pregnancy will not automatically result in a negative impact on the baby. While of course it is imperative for pregnant mums to reduce their exposure to stress where possible, where this was not possible, for example with the death of a loved one, serious financial issues or other unmanageable stresses, it is important to know that the human body is truly amazing and with the right stimuli after childbirth and throughout your child's formative years, your baby will be able to recuperate from a difficult start in life and remediate some of the potentially long lasting negative effects of stress. Stress can greatly impact the mental, emotional, and physical development of a child.As such, expectant mothers need to take every precaution to guard against becoming stressed and fatigued. It is not just the responsibility of the mother, if everyone in the family (and for that matter in society) supports pregnant women, we support not only that mother but the physical and emotional development of their babies – our future generations. In part 2, Dr Robinson talks about early detection and support for children with physical, behavioural and emotional issues. About Dr. Monique Robinson As an Australian Rotary Health Post-Doctoral Research fellow at the  Telethon Institute for Child Health Research , Dr. Monique Robinson's research revolves around determining the early life risk factors that later lead to mental health problems in kids and teens. She has a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and has garnered numerous accolades for her contribution to this area of research. Monique is a registered psychologist and she is one of the contributors to the book:  Inspired Children: How the leading minds of today raise their kids , where she goes into more detail about her research and how mothers can manage stress in pregnancy to give their babies the best start in life. In the field of Prenatal, Child, and Adolescent Mental Health, one of Monique’s biggest research projects to date looks at the stress experienced by mothers during pregnancy and how these common stress factors can increase the risk of behavioural problems in children.

Do your children constantly fight with you, each other and their friends? Do they scream and throw things around when they don’t get their way? Well, if you’d like more peace in your home, then watch this video about how you can help your children learn empathy and manage conflict peacefully. I’ve been doing research for the last 6 months at the University of San Diego and I met Mrs Watson in her Social Entrepreneurs class. Mrs Watson is a mum of two and a postgraduate student at the University of San Diego who is completing a Masters degree in Peace and Justice. We got to talking and I learned about the wonderful ways she is supporting her children to learn how to navigate life peacefully and respectfully at home and school and I wanted to share them with all parents. Mrs Watson talks about her vision for parenthood and how that led her to do some study in child development, children’s literacy and other courses to help her navigate the road of parenthood. Establishing a good community for your children to grow up in is a key to helping them learn how to get on well with others and manage the ever present change that happens in life. Mrs Watson shares the main principles peace and justice and how she how translates her learning into her home with her two young children. Finally, you’ll learn the importance of helping children manage change. Everyday children need to deal with change. When kids can’t cope it can leave them anxious and stressed. In order to thrive children need to learn the skills and develop the personal qualities that will help them move easily through change and bounce back after difficulties. You can help your child develop their Personal Power – self esteem, confidence and resilience with practical activities that only take 15 minutes at a time.

Parenting expert Dr Rosina continues her entertaining interview with Mitzi Weinman from www.timefinder.net about developing good habits in your children.

Jen from the USA asks: "I have a 7 yr old who gets into trouble a lot at school for talking. At home he is loud and interrupts quite a bit. What can I do to help him calm down? He has missed out on special activities in school because of getting into trouble for talking." Please remember to read these answers as information you might find useful and suggestions you can try as opposed to advice, as you know your family and can make the best decisions for them as outlined in the disclaimer below. First of all, let me say this was me as a child at school and I face the same challenge with our 6 year old son at home and at school, so believe me I understand and empathise with you completely.  Bright, inquisitive and happy kids are often talkers and love to interact with others. I am very sorry to hear that your son is missing out on activities at school and so here are some ideas you can try to help him manage his talking at certain times. As you can see, discipline and punishment don’t seem to work… he is missing out on things he loves but still has the behaviour. I am sure he knows what he shouldn’t do but perhaps he doesn’t know what and how to do what he should do. So let’s focus on this. Here are some of the things I’ve learned from various experts and tried in our home. I can tell you we have made some good progress, but it is a process that takes time as like me, you are trying to help your son learn a new way of being in the world. Old habits are hard to break. I want to stress that it is important to make sure your son knows he is loved and valued for who he is and that you are just trying to help him understand when it’s time for talking and when it’s time for listening and quiet learning on his own. I remember my teachers kind of broke my inquisitive spirit and dampened my love of school by telling me “please be quiet and give other people a turn to answer questions in class”. Good news is that there was no real harm done… I have capitalised on my love of learning and love of speaking to do be able to do the research and videos on parenting and child development I do! What I am trying to say is that talking and being inquisitive are wonderful qualities to have in life and so you can confidently tell your child that. However, it’s important that he learn to use these talents at the right time. That is the life skill your child needs to learn, when to talk, when to listen and how to be patient and not interrupt. Remember this is a process and it will take time to learn and he will make mistakes. I’ll like to say to our son Cameron “don’t worry… you’re still learning… now what can you do differently next time to change this situation to a better outcome?” These are all just “Learning Opportunities!” To begin with, make a time when you can be alone with your son and won’t be distracted or interrupted.  A car trip is often fabulous for this as you’re trapped together! Start a conversation on a positive note and then gently weave in using lots of questions about the changes you’d like him to consider making at school. Talk about your son’s wonderful qualities of being able to talk and ask questions. Praise these as good talents or gifts that can be used in many aspects of life. Then when he feels safe and good about himself, ask a series of questions like the ones below. Try and get him to do most of the talking and thinking and problem solving around this so that it is his ideas and his suggestions – you are developing thinking and problem solving skills this way. And besides, who likes being told what to do? Here are some questions you could ask – use them as a guide – but follow the conversation and direct it with your questions. You are his mom, you love him the most…trust your intuition… Questions you could ask: Even though you are lucky to have the talent of being able to talk so well and easily, do you think there are times when talking or interrupting may not be a good thing? Give lots of space as it takes time to come up with answers… don’t just jump in. It is important for him to figure it out himself – you have a better chance of change. After you have said “great, is there anything else etc”.. a few times then you might want to add things he hasn’t thought of like, the teacher is giving a lesson, other students are trying to concentrate on their work, people are talking and want to have their turn to speak etc… What have been some of the negative consequences of you talking in class? Give lots of time for him to answer. eg missing out on activities he likes, being embarrassed in class, friends getting angry with him etc… How do you feel about missing out on activities because you talk? What do you think you could do differently in class to make sure you don’t miss out or get others angry or lose friends or etc…? Here is where it would be great to get advice from the teacher and let the teacher know you are working on at this at home and could he/she support you in class.  We did this with Cameron’s teachers… he is a “little have a chat” and would walk around the classroom checking out what everyone else was doing, interrupting the teacher to say something or ask a question … it was all out of the love of talking, learning and curiosity. Here is what we agreed were strategies he could try: If he had a question he had to put up his hand… too cute he now does it at home to so as not to interrupt and blurt out his point. If he wants to get the attention of someone who is talking (eg me or the teacher), he needed to walk up quietly and put his hand on my arm or hand. We would acknowledge by a nod and continue our conversation until done and he was to wait patiently. If he had waited a long time or something was urgent – eg need to go to bathroom etc… he could say “excuse me.” we reminded him in conversations that he needed to let the other person finish before saying his ideas… this is a tricky one … haven’t mastered this one…have to say I am still not the best at this … but getting better with all of the many interviews I do! when it was quiet work time in class he was not to talk to other students who were concentrating on their work, but if he needed help he could get the attention of the teacher in the ways listed above. I think you get it by now. It is very practical things he can do that need to be practiced so that he knows what he can do instead of interrupting. This is the focus of a life skills approach to parenting and child development. Give them the understanding and skills for new behaviour.  To summarise: Explore through conversation and questioning why his behaviour isn’t kind or considerate of others and how it results in negative consequences Give him alternative behaviours that he can practice and bring into his life Practice, practice, practice and be patient… know that it takes time to learn. Your son has a life time to master these skills and let’s face it many adults haven’t mastered them … so he will be a head of the game with valuable life skills! You also asked about helping to calm him down. Perhaps you could try some deep breathing exercises or stretches to help him calm down and manage his emotions. For further resources subscribe to our  mailing list I hope these answers have been helpful. Let me know how you go. All the best on your parenting journey Dr Rosina McAlpine Disclaimer This email is designed to provide information and inspiration to the recipient. It is given with the understanding that the author is not engaged to render any type of psychological, medical, legal, or any other kind of professional advice. The content of each email is the sole expression and opinion of its author. No warranties or guarantees are expressed or implied by the email. Although every reasonable effort is made to provide accurate and current information, the decision to use or act upon that information is at each person’s own discretion. The author shall not be liable for any physical, psychological, emotional, financial, or commercial damages that may occur based on an individual’s decision to use or act upon the information provided in this email. Your use of the information in this email constitutes your agreement with the provisions of this disclaimer.

Parenting expert Dr Rosina McAlpine comes to this interview ( listen here )  inspired by a recent conference in Positive Psychology. Do you have a positive attitude to parenting. Dr Rosina talks about the practical activities parents can use in their home to help families focus on the good things in life, have gratitude and avoid anxiety and depression. Hear about the research and success of positive psychology for raising happy, healthy and empowered kids.

Interview on ABC Radio "Boys will be boys"..."if he picks on you it means he likes you". Ever heard these statements before? But it the times of the Me Too movement and toxic masculinity, how do we raise our boys to be respectful? Parenting expert Dr Rosina McAlpine speaks with Kia Handley. Listen to the Interview here

A common challenge kids of all ages can experience today is bullying which can be devastating. Now with technology, bullying can be relentless and many children experience it on a day-to-day basis, both in person and online. Did you know that children with good self-esteem are less likely to be bullied, and if they are bullied, are more able to manage it without long-term psychological harm? On the other hand, children with low self-esteem are more likely to bully or be bullied. Even if your child wouldn’t initiate bullying, children with poor self-esteem are more likely to succumb to negative peer pressure and get caught up taking actions they know are harmful to themselves and others.  When things get tough, kids with low self-esteem are more likely to give up, blame themselves and feel helpless to overcome the bullying that stands in their way of life happiness and success. So how is your child’s self-esteem? Do you know how to support your child so they develop good self-esteem and what to avoid so as not to harm their self-esteem? Good self-esteem provides a strong foundation for your child’s life success. The more you learn about effective parenting, the more confident you’ll be with the practical tools you need to help you raise your children in a calmer and more effective way

Did you know that self-esteem and self-confidence are NOT the same even though most people use the words interchangeably? OK, let’s put it to the test.  Right now, ask yourself the question – “What is the difference between self-esteem and self-confidence?” and then answer it.  We all know that every parents wants their child to have healthy self-esteem. No parent says I’d like a child with low self-esteem. BUT, when we confuse self-esteem and self-confidence in our parenting we can inadvertently hurt our child’s self-esteem. Take this short quiz: Does your child’s self-esteem come from outside – other people’s appraisal? Does your child rely on others for praise to feel worthy or validated? Does your child feel bad about themselves or even worthless when as a parent you criticise or reprimand them? Do you sometimes say things that might harm your child’s self-esteem? The more you learn about effective parenting, the more confident you’ll be with the practical tools you need to help you raise your children in a calmer and more effective way. If you feel like all you do is yell and fight with the kids which makes things even more out of control, then imagine how good you’ll feel when you’re able to respond rather than react and teach your kids the life skills they need for life success.