When “I Don’t Want to Go to School” Becomes Something More

Dr Rosina McAlpine, Parenting Expert interviewd on ABC Radio

Most parents have heard it.

“I don’t want to go to school.”

Sometimes it is just a tired morning or nerves after the holidays. But when it becomes a daily struggle, tears at the gate, mystery stomach aches, or a child who simply will not let go, it may be something more.

In this insightful radio conversation, Dr Rosina McAlpine Parenting expert explains the difference between a normal reluctance and genuine school refusal.

What Is School Refusal?

School refusal is not a one off complaint. It is not truancy or sneaking off. It is when a child repeatedly struggles to attend school over an extended period.

Signs can include:

• Ongoing headaches or stomach aches

• Crying or panic in the morning

• Tantrums around school time

• Clinging at drop off

  
  

Research suggests around one to five percent of children experience school refusal, with higher rates among neurodiverse children.

That means many families are quietly dealing with this challenge.

What Might Be Causing It?

One of the most powerful parts of this conversation is the reminder that school refusal is rarely about a child being difficult.

The causes can vary widely:

• Anxiety or depression

• Social challenges or bullying

• Academic stress or perfectionism

• Conflict with teachers

• Major changes at home such as separation or grief

  
  

As Dr Rosina explains, once you understand the reason, you are in a much stronger position to respond effectively. Different causes require different solutions.

What Can Parents Do?

The guidance is calm and practical.

First, reassure your child. Let them know you love them and that you are listening. Avoid dismissing their feelings or escalating the situation.

Next, gently explore what might be going on. Speak with teachers or school counsellors early. If you are a working parent, consider discussing temporary flexibility with your manager.

In some cases, small incremental steps can help. For example, starting with attending a favourite subject before building up to full days.

There is also thoughtful discussion about when changing schools may be appropriate and when building resilience within the current environment is the better option.

Why Listen?

School refusal is stressful for children and exhausting for parents. This audio offers reassurance, clarity and practical next steps.

If your mornings feel like a battlefield, this conversation may be exactly what you need to hear.