Search Results

Let’s face it everyone has faced the terrible “green-eyed monster” of jealousy at one time or another in their life, if not many times. So how do we help our kids learn to deal with jealously in a positive way so that they have the skill for life? The key is to teach them about keeping their personal power and not giving it away to a green-eyed monster or anyone else! Consider this. Does your child give their power away to other people or things outside them? Does your child say things like “I wish I was like _________ or I’m so jealous of ___________ or it’s not fair why can _________ have everything and I can’t” and in this way give their power away to people and things outside themselves? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then like most other parents, you have a typical child... jealously is a perfectly normal behaviour for kids and even adults at times too. But, jealousy is not a nice feeling and can lead to terrible behaviours if left unchecked, so being able to deal with it is such an important skill to have. What if you could help your child learn to claim and use their own personal power by looking inwards at their unique strengths and qualities rather than outwards at other? What if you could help your child to just be happy with who they are and to learn that they are responsible for their own feelings, thoughts and behaviours?  This would be empowering right? If your children are always comparing themselves to others or are jealous of other children and the things they have, then their focus is outside themselves and they have given away their personal power. Feeling jealous of others can make a child feel less than others and feel powerless because they can’t control things outside themselves, but they have the ability to control what they thing and feel if they know how. While it may take some time, helping your children understand that they can accept and love themselves and take responsibility for their thoughts, feelings and actions will mean they will have a happier life. Taking charge of their lives in this way allows them to claim their personal power. I know this is not an easy concept to grasp at first, but either was reading or maths or anyone thing your child has learned to do. But with patience and careful instruction by exploring and discussing your child’s personal power around jealousy you can really empower your child and help them to understand that they: 1. are responsible for creating their feelings of jealousy and so they can choose not to feel jealous and 2. can learn how to appreciate who they are and use their personal power to respond to life situations as they arise If your child needs a boost to their personal power, you can help them with 12 easy-to-complete activities in my Personal Power Life skills Home Activity eBook. The step-by-step activities only take 15 minutes at a time and help your child develop a positive attitude, healthy self-esteem and resilience.

Personal power relates to what a child believes about themselves. A child with healthy self-esteem and a ‘can-do’ attitude is more likely to try new activities and be more successful in life. We all know that life is filled with ‘ups’ and ‘downs’. How well do your children deal with challenges or adversity? Resilience is an important personal attribute that helps children pick themselves up when times are tough and keep going! The Inspired Children Program activities enhance your child’s attitude, self-esteem, and resilience developing their overall personal power. Does your child have healthy self-esteem or do they lack confidence? Do you hear your child say negative things about themselves like “I’m so dumb” or “I can’t do anything right” or “That’s OK for someone else but not for me”? Does your child give up easily or are they able to keep going even when life sends challenges their way? Does your child have a positive attitude or a negative attitude to life? If you would like to know how to help your child to build healthy self-esteem, have a positive attitude to life and be more resilient, then find out more about your child’s Personal Power and how the Inspired Children Life Skills for Children program can benefit your whole family.

Are your kids cooperative contributing members of your family or are you forever trying to get them to do the right thing and help out? A common way parents try to influence their child’s behaviour is through rewards and punishments. Rewards can include: praise, a sticker on a chart, TV or electronic games time or even financial rewards as an incentive to behave a certain way. Punishments can include: a stern talking to, time out, loss of privileges and even harsher punishments for really ‘bad’ behaviour. Are you stuck in a cycle of rewards and punishments? And, if so is this the way you want to relate to your child? Using a system of rewards or punishment, it basically goes like this: If you do ‘your homework’, then you will get ‘TV time’ or if don’t do ‘your chores’ you won’t get ‘to go out this weekend’! Wouldn’t it be fabulous if you could simply say “can please do your homework” and your child said “sure, no problem” because they want to not because they will either gain a privilege or lose one. Another name for reward/punishment parenting is ‘conditional’ or ‘transactional’ parenting. Now when you put it that way, it doesn’t sound so good does it? Transactional parenting sounds more like a business arrangement and is no fun for parents or children. It doesn’t feel like what a family is about. Let’s face it - what parents really want are children who are cooperative members of a family and contribute to all aspects of family life in a positive way because they want to. Right? So how can we achieve this? Up to now the main approach used in families is to punish and reward to get children to do the right thing. The down side is that kids see your love as conditional – you give love when they behave well in the form of positive attention and praise and then withdraw love when they behave in a way that is unacceptable to you. Now you and I both know that you LOVE them all the time – even when you send them to their room, give them a good talking too or walk away from them – but do your children know you love them? All they experience is your disappointment or anger and withdrawal of love. Doesn’t look or feel like love does it? BUT what if there was another way? What if there was a way that didn’t involve a focus on good/bad behaviour, punishment/rewards and giving and withdrawing love. I know that is an approach that interests me and I have been doing quite a bit of research on the topic since the day I realised that there is another way. VIDEO - DR ROSINA TALKING AT PARENTING 2.0 IN SAN DIEGO I presented at a parenting conference - P2.0 Talks - in San Diego, California. I met many wonderful parenting educators at the conference and I gave a talk about an incident with our son which transformed the way I saw my role as a parent - away from focussing on behaviours, rewards, punishments or disciplines to a life skills approach to parenting. This has been so empowering and liberating for me as a parent – to see myself as our son’s life skills coach! Basically, in one moment, I realised that our Cameron is learning to navigate the world and my job is to help and support him so he can learn all of the key life skills that will help him lead a great life and be a cooperative and loving member of our family. What a relief... how empowering... how loving... now I didn't need to see our son as having good behaviour or bad behaviour but simply needing support to acquire the skills to navigate life and to be the best person he can become. So instead of seeing his actions as a behavioural issue that needs reward/punishment... and let’s face it, who likes punishing /disciplining their child - this is no fun at all for anyone -  so I instead look for which life skills he’s missing and how I can best support him to develop them with … you know… ‘patience and love’ …well of course I try my best even though I don't always succeed first time. So that is another point, it's OK to make mistakes. You can’t always be the perfect parent! In the video, I also talk about how parents can show their kids that it’s OK to make mistakes as a parent. In this way I get to have a second chance and have 'a do-over' to try again in a more supportive way when I make parenting mistakes. Are you OK with making mistakes? If you can accept that you make mistakes … perhaps you can be more tolerant and forgiving when your child, partner, friends and family members make mistakes too. Because I readily model for my child that it is OK to make mistakes, my child learns another key life skill: that it is OK to make mistakes, to say sorry and to have another turn to do better. That is a process called 'learning' and ‘feedback’ as we all work towards life skills mastery – parents and children alike! Many people use rewards charts so perhaps we don’t have to ‘throw the baby out with the bath water’ and we can use ‘rewards’ charts in a supportive way. For example, what if a chart is used where the focus is not about rewards but instead it’s a chart to support and measure the effort and progress of a child when learning a new life skill (like self-discipline in completing homework; or being a loving, cooperative and contributing member of a family by doing chores; or learning about respectful communication with family and friends). If the chart is used to inspire, motivate and support a child’s learning, self-esteem and self-efficacy so they see themselves slowly mastering a life skill over time and if the chart recognises efforts as well as progress not just achievements - then this kind of chart sounds like a great tool as part of a loving family environment!

Do you want to be an inspired parent? Do you want to be the best parent you can be? Join Dr Robyn Mills her as she  interviews Dr Rosina McAlpine, parenting expert and empowered mother, wife and woman of the world.  Her passion, knowledge and wisdom will  inspire you. Dr Rosina McAlpine talks about her loving journey into parenthood and how being a mother  inspired her passion to support and empower all parents to be the best they can be. Join me as I interview Dr Rosina about her research into child development and parenting and how it has taken her from Australia to the US to create a TV show. You'll get loads of tips and advice about how to help your child develop key life skills like good self esteem, resilience, emotional intelligence and so much more so they can lead a happy, healthy and meaningful life.

Article published in Woman’s Day Magazine, 31 January 2011. Child development expert Dr Rosina McAlpine shows how to boost your child’s confidence and beat the back-to-school stress. STEP 1: Use Actions Not Words How often have you said, “Not now, I’m on the phone” or “I’m too busy”? “Most parents are very busy, which adds to the stress of dealing with children,” Dr Rosina McAlpine says. “But how would you feel if someone talked to you that way? It’s important to let your kids know you value their opinions as much as anyone else’s” Instead of hurting your child’s feelings, try these solutions On the phone  Ask the person to hold, then say to your child “I’m very interested in what you have to say but I can’t talk now. I’ll be off the phone in ten minutes and we’ll talk then. ” When busy  “Sorry darling I’m busy doing something for work. Let’s talk about it at dinner. ” When cooking “I can’t talk now because it’s dangerous with a hot stove and I don’t want you to get hurt.” STEP 2: Focus on the Behaviour Not the Child Biting. Hitting. Nose picking. Ignoring requests. Children do so many things adults find unacceptable and often our automatic reaction is to say “You’re so naughty” or “You’re so cheeky/rude/bad”. “Try focussing on their behaviour rather than them” Says Dr McAlpine. “For example say ‘biting hurts. It is not OK to bite/speak in that tone/be rude’. Children who feel good about themselves are more likely to try new things and are less likely to be defensive or insecure. Regularly telling a child they’re naughty might mean they believe it for life.” Child development expert Dr Rosina McAlpine shows how to boost your child’s confidence and beat the back-to-school stress. STEP 3: Teach your child Gratitude A grateful attitude can reduce depression and make children aware of what is important to their true happiness, research shows. Teach your child to be grateful by: Keeping a journal  Ask them to record the things they love about their life. They can use words, pictures, stickers - whatever they like. Bedtime thank-you  “Invite your child to share who and what they are grateful for. It’s a lovely way to go to sleep” says Dr McAlpine. For find out more about the benefits of a life skills approach to parenting please click here

Do your children understand the value of money? Do you buy your children everything they want? Most parents do this because they love their children and want to give them everything they can. However, in the long term, this strategy is potentially harmful to your children. Children who are used to getting everything they want will have a hard time valuing money and understanding the concept of budgeting, earning and saving for the things they want in life. This can lead to over spending, over use of credit cards and a lifetime of money problems. Explaining the value of money and setting a good example for your children can help them be responsible with money. Many parents don’t want to “burden” their children with the household finances or they feel they are too young to understand. However, another way to see it is that parents can actually “empower” their children if they are part of the household budgeting process. If your children understand the flow of money in your home, how money is earned, see you spending responsibly, they will get the right messages about money and learn lifelong skills around acting responsibly with their finances. Advantages include: 1. Helps children understand how money is earned and spent in their household 2. Helps children learn the value of money and gain lifelong skills around responsible spending. Education Skills  are on of the 7 key life skills in the Inspired Children Life Skills for Children program.

Comprehensive back-to-school guide for parents Are you worried about getting yourself and your child ready for back-to-school time?  Do you want more than just a few tips to get you started? Then simply following parenting expert Dr Rosina’s comprehensive 14-day back-to-school guide will inspire you to get into action and take the worry away! By including your child in the preparations and taking care of only one activity each day, you can still enjoy the last few weeks of the holidays and make sure you get the New Year off to a great start! Sound good? Well then … let’s go. First! Grab a notebook so you can keep everything together and make notes as you go. No more lost lists, numbers or bits of paper everywhere! Now you’re ready to get on your way to being organised! Day 1: Uniforms and shoes  If you already have school and sports uniforms as well as shoes from last year, then get your child to try them on to make sure they still fit. If they do, simply get everything ready with a wash, an iron and a polish and you’re done. If not, make a list of the purchases and alterations you need and then shop, shop, shop now! Make sure you leave enough lead time for uniforms to be made or altered for length. Day 2: School supplies Ask your child to help you collect in one place, all of the school supplies you already have. Throw away the items that are old or no longer working and make a list of all the things you need to replace including school bag, note pads, pens, easers etc. To save money, take advantage of the back-to-school sales, use the list you’ve prepared and don’t buy things you don’t need! Day 3: Contact and emergency information Create a contact list including your phone number and address, emergency numbers, doctor’s numbers and a ‘back-up’ contact number for when you can’t be reached. Place these numbers on the fridge at home in clear view, provide them to your child’s school, in your child’s school bag and help your child to memorise your contact number and their home address. Day 4: Organisation - calendars and routines Purchase a large calendar where you can write appointments and events.  Place it in a location where it is easy to view and update. Enter in as many dates as you can at this stage and help your child to learn about using a calendar by referring to it every day and updating it together. This is a great life skill you can help your child develop! Next create routines for morning, after school and before bed and explain them to your child. For example, morning routine could include getting their lunch from the fridge and putting it in their bag, after-school routine could be change of clothes, time for snack, then homework, play and wash hands before dinner. Before bed routine could include preparing uniforms, shoes, socks, packing bag with books, homework, sports clothes etc. You can help children do this by themselves by having a checklist for them to tick off every night. Practise these routines before school starts until they are running smoothly ready for their first day back! Day 5: Sleep  Both you and your child need to be well rested to be productive and happy throughout the day. The week before school commences, decide on bedtimes and waking times, put them into place and stick to them.  Day 6: Homework area Prepare an area for your child to study and complete their homework after school. Ideally this is a quiet space with no access to internet or television so that they are not watching TV, updating Facebook or looking at YouTube videos when they should be finishing homework! Involve your child in the design so they feel part of the process and it is inviting to them. Day 7: Relieve back-to-school nerves and inspire your child Talking about the upcoming school year and the changes your child might experience can help reduce some of their back-to-school anxiety. You can also motivate and inspire your child by discussing the exciting new classes, activities and events they can participate in during the year. Day 8: Friends Studies have suggested that approximately 75% of your child’s time at school is spent in social interactions, so the quality of their friendships has a significant impact on their success at school. While you can’t pick your child’s friends, you can provide valuable knowledge that will help them select wisely. The idea of just one ‘best friend forever’ can lead to disappointment and unhappiness as conflict and change is inevitable. Being open to diversity in friendships and having multiple relationships is less likely to result in isolation when disagreements arise. Encouraging your child to be-friend different people some who share their own interests and personal strengths and others who do not, holds many advantages. Day 9: Exploring solutions to potential problems Can you remember back to your days at school and the difficulties you faced and all things that can go wrong? Imagine if you had discussed them with your parents before hand and  developed  and  practised  strategies to cope. Take the time to talk about topics like bullying, accidents, drugs and alcohol, strangers and peer pressure. Your child is more likely to cope better if they have discussed a situation and practised strategies before it actually occurs. Day 10: Transportation  Work out how your child will get to and from school and then organise the car pool, bus tickets, walking route or locations for drop off and pick ups. Explain the transport plan to your child in detail and then have a few practice runs so you both feel safe and confident.  Day 11: Meet the teachers As you get closer to the back-to-school date organise for a tour of the school with your child and to meet their teachers. Meeting the teacher can reduce your child’s back-to-school nerves. Opening the lines of communication and building a friendly relationship with your child’s teacher will support your child in many ways!  Day 12: Set a good example Children learn more from what their parents do than what they say. So set a great example and be the kind of person you’d like your child to become. You can’t expect them to be organised, tidy and thoughtful if you don’t display those characteristics and are messy and disorganised.  Day 13: Create a little surprise  Prepare a little surprise like a personal note or a photograph and place it in your child’s bag for them to find at some time during their first day … it will show you care, reassure your child they are loved and a inspire a big smile! Day 14: Meet your friends After all that’s done it’s time for a well-earned break and a catch-up with your friends. Remember a tired and grumpy parent is no fun for anyone and happy parents make a happy household. So don’t forget to take care of yourself as well as the family! You’re now ready to start a new school year organised and confident! Remember, your efforts will not only make the transition back to school easier, it will also help your child develop the key life skills they need to lead a happy and successful life.

An individual and a family can function much better and feel more positive in a clean environment, so knowing how to keep their home clean and tidy is a valuable life skill for your child to learn. Parents often think it will be quicker if “I do it myself” - and you are right - but only in the short term! In the long run, once your child learns the skills of cleaning - you will have help and  they will have  an important skill for life! Cleaning - enjoyable and fun? We all have to clean our home, so why not make it as enjoyable as possible! You can help your child understand that their ‘attitude’ to something is their choice - so they can go about cleaning in a resentful and grumbling way or make it fun, feel good about doing it and feel a sense of satisfaction once it is done. Children learn best when something is enjoyable and fun - actually so do adults - so give it a go! Put on some music and 1. Help your child learn about doing the dishes in a fun way 2. Allow the child to see the benefits of completing an activity together as a family

Good health is a great foundation upon which to build a great life. The press is filled with scary news about how our children are obese and unhealthy. So as a parent what can you do to help your kids learn about how to be healthy? One important part of child development is instilling knowledge and good habits around eating and exercise. What kids learn about health when they are young will help them throughout their whole life. Eating well is a key part of good health. If you think back to what you regularly ate as a child you’ll probably find that’s pretty much what you’re eating today. At a presentation I gave on teaching kids health one mother said “my husband still takes peanut butter and honey sandwiches to work every day…he was a fussy eater and that’s what he ate as a child”. If what your child eats as a child plays a big part in what he or she will eat as an adult, it is so important to take a good look at what you’re mainly feeding your children right now. Are they basically eating a balanced diet with items from each of the five food groups or do they mainly eat processed, fatty and sugary foods? Do you talk to your children about nutrition explaining what’s good for the body like fresh fruits and vegetables and what’s not so good like sweets, processed biscuits and cakes? This can be a great support! To be healthy kids also need to exercise. Being fit improves both their physical as well as their mental health and of course, it’s FUN too! Parents can encourage their children to be active by helping them understand the benefits of fitness but most importantly parents need to create the opportunities for their kids to exercise. Team sports are a great way to do this. I recently read a great blog written by Agata Mrva-Montoya, at Sydney publishing that “the development of local sports clubs and junior teams is vital to the future of team sport, and it is beneficial to the wellbeing of young players, far beyond the obvious issues of health and fitness. Long-term participation in sport and club membership enables children to learn the ideas of fair play and teamwork. They also develop self-motivation and a sense of belonging to a community. At the same time, they can have fun and meet new friends, which according to Richard Light, the author of Sport in the lives of young Australians, are the most important reasons for joining a sporting club and ongoing participation”. So what can you do to support positive behavior development around health and well being for your kids? Eat a ‘mainly’ healthy diet at home (but sweets and treats are great sometimes), share nutrition tips when he opportunities arise, encourage outdoor exercise activities and maybe even get your kids involved in a team sport…the many benefits make it worth the time

One of the most important gifts a parent can offer their child is to prepare them for life. Imagine how good you’ll feel when it’s time for your children to leave home, if they have good self esteem and are resilient. We all know that life can bring so many different experiences and life lessons - some wonderful and others really challenging - while we have no control over this - with the right help, your children can develop the life skills to be able to respond positively to anything that life brings. Parents are the most important influence when it comes to developing a positive sense of self and good self esteem.  Self esteem develops over time from when children are really young. Here are two parenting tips that will help your child develop good self esteem and feel good about who they are. Children learn by mirroring what their parents do and say…you know that right? This becomes painfully obvious when you hear your own words or see your actions played back to you by your child. So, it makes sense then that the most powerful way to help your children develop good self esteem is to live it yourself. Your children will watch and learn from you if you offer them a good example. Spending time with your children will also make a world of difference. Children know that if you make the take time be with them - this shows them that they are important to you and that goes a long way to helping them feel good about themselves. A strong sense of self goes a long way when times are tough, but having a resilient child goes even further. How do your children handle life’s downs? Are they OK if they lose a race, fail a test, fall over and hurt themselves or have a disappointment? Resilience is the ability to get up and move on when things are tough. You can help your children learn this skill from a really young age. For example, if your child falls over and they are not too hurt, do you rush over to rescue them or do you guide them so they can help themselves. You can use words like “oh dear you’ve fallen over, roll over onto your tummy and push yourself up with your arms…that’s right darling come over here…”. In that way you are helping them to help themselves as you won’t always be there to pick them up. Do you allow your child to win every game? Can you see how helpful it would be to allow them to lose sometimes so they can learn how to cope with loss? There are so many ways you can help your child develop good self esteem and resilience and it does not have to take a lot of time…it just takes care and know how.

I recently came across a research paper by Elizabeth Gershoff published in the journal of Law and Contemporary problems in 2010 entitled: More harm than good: a summary of the scientific research on the intended and unintended effects of corporal punishment on children. The aim of this blog post is to summarise the main findings of the 25 page research paper which explores the findings of hundreds of research studies from many disciplines including: psychology, medicine, social work and education. Main finding: “The social and medical sciences report that the risks for substantial harm from corporal punishment outweigh any immediate benefit of immediate child compliance.” (P32) Read on to find out the many forms of ‘substantial harm’ that can result – I was shocked! Definition: Basically, corporal punishment is hitting, smacking, spanking or physically punishing a child with the intent of changing their behaviour rather than harming them (it is not about physical child abuse). Do you smack your children? Statistics for the United States for parents physically punishing their children are as follows: 50% of parents of toddlers 65-68% of parents of preschoolers 85% percent of middle and high school children Why parents use physical punishments? Do you smack your children? Were you physically punished as a child? Tradition–parents who were spanked as children and adolescents tend to be more supportive of corporal punishment then children who were not. History – criminals were historically punished by public floggings or other physical punishments. Religion – some religions advocate corporal punishment It is interesting to note that while it is no longer legal for courts to sentence criminals to corporal punishments for crimes, it is still legal for parents (and teachers in some states) to physically punish their children as a method of discipline – with the exception of New Zealand where it is now illegal to use corporal punishment on a child. Intended effects of physical punishment: Do you think smacking is helpful and it is basically ‘harmless’? Parents have both short-term and long term intentions when it comes to choosing to hit their children.   Short-term In the short term they may want to get their child’s attention, make them comply or change their unacceptable behaviour (eg: hitting, biting, stealing, lying or playing with matches) An aside: it seems contradictory and disingenuous to hit a child for hitting another child while saying ‘hitting is bad’… doesn’t make sense right? Numerous research studies show that in the short term, physical punishment is NO more effective than other methods such as time out with a barrier preventing the child from leaving. In other words physical and non-physical punishments are EQUALLY as effective at modifying the behaviour in the short term and non-physical punishment does not have all of the negative consequences like increased child aggression and risks of physical injury among the many others outlined below. Long-term In the long term, parents intend for the corporal punishment to act as a deterrent to the child repeating unacceptable behaviours and encouraging them to continue to act in more socially acceptable ways. “A consistent body of research evidence reveals that more corporal punishment by parents is associated with less long-term compliance and less pro-social behaviour and more aggression and anti-social behaviour” In other words the more children are physically punished the less they comply with their parents wishes, the less they behave in socially appropriate ways and the more aggressive they become and the more they behave unacceptably. Put simply smacking makes children’s and adolescent’s behaviour worse, not better, in the long term! The paper then goes on to talk about the many unintended consequences of corporal punishment – this was a shock to me. Unintended consequences of physical punishment Physical injury and abuse. Most importantly, a parent’s risk of physically harming and abusing their child increases the more frequently they use physical punishment as a means of discipline. Child abuse often starts out with the intention to discipline and escalates to harm. Mental health problems. The more frequently children are hit or the more severely they are hit the more likely they are to have emotional and psychological stress as well as metal health problems like depression and anxiety. Harms parents’ relationships with their children. Children who are physically punished tend to avoid their parents, dislike them, want to run away, don’t develop closeness and become distrustful of their parents. Increased aggression and anti-social behaviour. The more physical punishment the more aggressive the child and the adult become. Often times the aggression is directed towards their own children and spouses as well as others. This is the one unintended consequence I didn’t expect that shocked me: Reduced cognitive ability. Studies have shown that children who are physically punished have lower IQ scores and lower results on standardised tests of mental abilities. To conclude: While not every child will suffer the many serious negative consequences due to physical punishments as summarised in this blog post, the evidence is compelling that physically punishing your child does more harm than good. Do you want to take the risk of harming your child and your relationship with your child for some short-term compliance, when you could use other methods that are equally effective but don’t carry the many unintended negative consequences? If you though spanking your child would make them a better person, think again, the research shows that in fact, they are more likely to become aggressive and behave in more anti-social ways.

Want to know more about raising teens? Join parenting expert Dr Rosina as she interviews Ray Erickson who has over 30 years experience working with teenagers. In his new book  Ten Tips to Tame Your Teen  - Ray explains his time tested ways to help parents raise socially conscious, self-assured and productive young adults. Ray’s Ten Tips are supported by the latest research on teenage brains such as featured in the October, 2011 National Geographic.  Since humor is a cornerstone of Ray’s work whether he is working with teens, parents or speaking to a group, get ready to be educated and entertained!