Search Results

Do your children constantly fight with you, each other and their friends? Do they scream and throw things around when they don’t get their way? Well, if you’d like more peace in your home, then watch this video about how you can help your children learn empathy and manage conflict peacefully. I’ve been doing research for the last 6 months at the University of San Diego and I met Mrs Watson in her Social Entrepreneurs class. Mrs Watson is a mum of two and a postgraduate student at the University of San Diego who is completing a Masters degree in Peace and Justice. We got to talking and I learned about the wonderful ways she is supporting her children to learn how to navigate life peacefully and respectfully at home and school and I wanted to share them with all parents. Mrs Watson talks about her vision for parenthood and how that led her to do some study in child development, children’s literacy and other courses to help her navigate the road of parenthood. Establishing a good community for your children to grow up in is a key to helping them learn how to get on well with others and manage the ever present change that happens in life. Mrs Watson shares the main principles peace and justice and how she how translates her learning into her home with her two young children. Finally, you’ll learn the importance of helping children manage change. Everyday children need to deal with change. When kids can’t cope it can leave them anxious and stressed. In order to thrive children need to learn the skills and develop the personal qualities that will help them move easily through change and bounce back after difficulties. You can help your child develop their Personal Power – self esteem, confidence and resilience with practical activities that only take 15 minutes at a time.

Parenting expert Dr Rosina continues her entertaining interview with Mitzi Weinman from www.timefinder.net about developing good habits in your children.

Jen from the USA asks: "I have a 7 yr old who gets into trouble a lot at school for talking. At home he is loud and interrupts quite a bit. What can I do to help him calm down? He has missed out on special activities in school because of getting into trouble for talking." Please remember to read these answers as information you might find useful and suggestions you can try as opposed to advice, as you know your family and can make the best decisions for them as outlined in the disclaimer below. First of all, let me say this was me as a child at school and I face the same challenge with our 6 year old son at home and at school, so believe me I understand and empathise with you completely.  Bright, inquisitive and happy kids are often talkers and love to interact with others. I am very sorry to hear that your son is missing out on activities at school and so here are some ideas you can try to help him manage his talking at certain times. As you can see, discipline and punishment don’t seem to work… he is missing out on things he loves but still has the behaviour. I am sure he knows what he shouldn’t do but perhaps he doesn’t know what and how to do what he should do. So let’s focus on this. Here are some of the things I’ve learned from various experts and tried in our home. I can tell you we have made some good progress, but it is a process that takes time as like me, you are trying to help your son learn a new way of being in the world. Old habits are hard to break. I want to stress that it is important to make sure your son knows he is loved and valued for who he is and that you are just trying to help him understand when it’s time for talking and when it’s time for listening and quiet learning on his own. I remember my teachers kind of broke my inquisitive spirit and dampened my love of school by telling me “please be quiet and give other people a turn to answer questions in class”. Good news is that there was no real harm done… I have capitalised on my love of learning and love of speaking to do be able to do the research and videos on parenting and child development I do! What I am trying to say is that talking and being inquisitive are wonderful qualities to have in life and so you can confidently tell your child that. However, it’s important that he learn to use these talents at the right time. That is the life skill your child needs to learn, when to talk, when to listen and how to be patient and not interrupt. Remember this is a process and it will take time to learn and he will make mistakes. I’ll like to say to our son Cameron “don’t worry… you’re still learning… now what can you do differently next time to change this situation to a better outcome?” These are all just “Learning Opportunities!” To begin with, make a time when you can be alone with your son and won’t be distracted or interrupted.  A car trip is often fabulous for this as you’re trapped together! Start a conversation on a positive note and then gently weave in using lots of questions about the changes you’d like him to consider making at school. Talk about your son’s wonderful qualities of being able to talk and ask questions. Praise these as good talents or gifts that can be used in many aspects of life. Then when he feels safe and good about himself, ask a series of questions like the ones below. Try and get him to do most of the talking and thinking and problem solving around this so that it is his ideas and his suggestions – you are developing thinking and problem solving skills this way. And besides, who likes being told what to do? Here are some questions you could ask – use them as a guide – but follow the conversation and direct it with your questions. You are his mom, you love him the most…trust your intuition… Questions you could ask: Even though you are lucky to have the talent of being able to talk so well and easily, do you think there are times when talking or interrupting may not be a good thing? Give lots of space as it takes time to come up with answers… don’t just jump in. It is important for him to figure it out himself – you have a better chance of change. After you have said “great, is there anything else etc”.. a few times then you might want to add things he hasn’t thought of like, the teacher is giving a lesson, other students are trying to concentrate on their work, people are talking and want to have their turn to speak etc… What have been some of the negative consequences of you talking in class? Give lots of time for him to answer. eg missing out on activities he likes, being embarrassed in class, friends getting angry with him etc… How do you feel about missing out on activities because you talk? What do you think you could do differently in class to make sure you don’t miss out or get others angry or lose friends or etc…? Here is where it would be great to get advice from the teacher and let the teacher know you are working on at this at home and could he/she support you in class.  We did this with Cameron’s teachers… he is a “little have a chat” and would walk around the classroom checking out what everyone else was doing, interrupting the teacher to say something or ask a question … it was all out of the love of talking, learning and curiosity. Here is what we agreed were strategies he could try: If he had a question he had to put up his hand… too cute he now does it at home to so as not to interrupt and blurt out his point. If he wants to get the attention of someone who is talking (eg me or the teacher), he needed to walk up quietly and put his hand on my arm or hand. We would acknowledge by a nod and continue our conversation until done and he was to wait patiently. If he had waited a long time or something was urgent – eg need to go to bathroom etc… he could say “excuse me.” we reminded him in conversations that he needed to let the other person finish before saying his ideas… this is a tricky one … haven’t mastered this one…have to say I am still not the best at this … but getting better with all of the many interviews I do! when it was quiet work time in class he was not to talk to other students who were concentrating on their work, but if he needed help he could get the attention of the teacher in the ways listed above. I think you get it by now. It is very practical things he can do that need to be practiced so that he knows what he can do instead of interrupting. This is the focus of a life skills approach to parenting and child development. Give them the understanding and skills for new behaviour.  To summarise: Explore through conversation and questioning why his behaviour isn’t kind or considerate of others and how it results in negative consequences Give him alternative behaviours that he can practice and bring into his life Practice, practice, practice and be patient… know that it takes time to learn. Your son has a life time to master these skills and let’s face it many adults haven’t mastered them … so he will be a head of the game with valuable life skills! You also asked about helping to calm him down. Perhaps you could try some deep breathing exercises or stretches to help him calm down and manage his emotions. For further resources subscribe to our  mailing list I hope these answers have been helpful. Let me know how you go. All the best on your parenting journey Dr Rosina McAlpine Disclaimer This email is designed to provide information and inspiration to the recipient. It is given with the understanding that the author is not engaged to render any type of psychological, medical, legal, or any other kind of professional advice. The content of each email is the sole expression and opinion of its author. No warranties or guarantees are expressed or implied by the email. Although every reasonable effort is made to provide accurate and current information, the decision to use or act upon that information is at each person’s own discretion. The author shall not be liable for any physical, psychological, emotional, financial, or commercial damages that may occur based on an individual’s decision to use or act upon the information provided in this email. Your use of the information in this email constitutes your agreement with the provisions of this disclaimer.

Parenting expert Dr Rosina McAlpine comes to this interview ( listen here )  inspired by a recent conference in Positive Psychology. Do you have a positive attitude to parenting. Dr Rosina talks about the practical activities parents can use in their home to help families focus on the good things in life, have gratitude and avoid anxiety and depression. Hear about the research and success of positive psychology for raising happy, healthy and empowered kids.

Interview on ABC Radio "Boys will be boys"..."if he picks on you it means he likes you". Ever heard these statements before? But it the times of the Me Too movement and toxic masculinity, how do we raise our boys to be respectful? Parenting expert Dr Rosina McAlpine speaks with Kia Handley. Listen to the Interview here

A common challenge kids of all ages can experience today is bullying which can be devastating. Now with technology, bullying can be relentless and many children experience it on a day-to-day basis, both in person and online. Did you know that children with good self-esteem are less likely to be bullied, and if they are bullied, are more able to manage it without long-term psychological harm? On the other hand, children with low self-esteem are more likely to bully or be bullied. Even if your child wouldn’t initiate bullying, children with poor self-esteem are more likely to succumb to negative peer pressure and get caught up taking actions they know are harmful to themselves and others.  When things get tough, kids with low self-esteem are more likely to give up, blame themselves and feel helpless to overcome the bullying that stands in their way of life happiness and success. So how is your child’s self-esteem? Do you know how to support your child so they develop good self-esteem and what to avoid so as not to harm their self-esteem? Good self-esteem provides a strong foundation for your child’s life success. The more you learn about effective parenting, the more confident you’ll be with the practical tools you need to help you raise your children in a calmer and more effective way

Did you know that self-esteem and self-confidence are NOT the same even though most people use the words interchangeably? OK, let’s put it to the test.  Right now, ask yourself the question – “What is the difference between self-esteem and self-confidence?” and then answer it.  We all know that every parents wants their child to have healthy self-esteem. No parent says I’d like a child with low self-esteem. BUT, when we confuse self-esteem and self-confidence in our parenting we can inadvertently hurt our child’s self-esteem. Take this short quiz: Does your child’s self-esteem come from outside – other people’s appraisal? Does your child rely on others for praise to feel worthy or validated? Does your child feel bad about themselves or even worthless when as a parent you criticise or reprimand them? Do you sometimes say things that might harm your child’s self-esteem? The more you learn about effective parenting, the more confident you’ll be with the practical tools you need to help you raise your children in a calmer and more effective way. If you feel like all you do is yell and fight with the kids which makes things even more out of control, then imagine how good you’ll feel when you’re able to respond rather than react and teach your kids the life skills they need for life success.

Does your child give their power away to other people or things outside them? Does your child say things like “that person makes me angry” or “you made me do that” or “she makes me jealous” or “having that thing makes me happy” and in this way give their power away to people and things outside themselves? OR does your child claim and use their own power by acknowledging that they are responsible for their own feelings, thoughts and behaviours? If a child believes people and things outside them have power over their thoughts, feelings and actions then they can feel powerless as they can’t control things outside themselves. If a child takes responsibility for their own thoughts, feelings and actions then they are in control and powerful.

Parents often call sweets, chocolates, crisps, cakes and biscuits ‘treats’. Generally, children LOVE their ‘treats’ and will do almost anything to get them. While calling unhealthy junk foods ‘treats’ may seem harmless, but upon closer consideration it may actually be more harmful than helpful. Instead of using the word treat, call junk food exactly it is, by its name or call it weekend food and explain that it is only weekend food rather than everyday food.  Talking about junk food - the sugary, fatty and processed foods as weekend food: 1. helps parents understand that how they name ‘unhealthy’ foods can affect how their children feel and behave in relation to those foods, and 2. explores helpful ways to label and educate children about sweets etc…

Friendship is such an important part of life. Just one true friend can make all the difference when your child needs support. On the other hand, if a child gets in with “the wrong crowd” this can take their life into directions parents would rather not think about. Discuss this topic with your child by asking them about their friendships. Also relate your personal stories of your own friendships make sure you include both the good and bad focussing on the lessons you learned. This: 1. helps your child further develop their understanding of the qualities of a good friend. 2. invites them to take a close look at their current closest friends and see if they are good friends. 3. enables you to understand who your child has chosen as close friends and to share your beliefs and ideas about friendship with your child.

Attachment is an emotional bond and connection to another person. Psychologist  John Bowlby  was the first attachment theorist, describing attachment as a "lasting psychological connectedness between human beings" (Bowlby, 1969, p. 194). Bowlby believed that the earliest bonds formed by children with their caregivers have a tremendous impact that lasts throughout life. According to Bowlby, attachment also serves to keep the infant close to the mother, thus improving the child's chances of ‘survival’. Infants become attached to adults who are sensitive and responsive in  social interactions  with them, and who remain as consistent caregivers for some months during the period from about six months to two years of age. When an infant begins to crawl and walk they begin to use attachment figures (familiar people) as a secure base to explore from and return to. Parental responses lead to the development of patterns of attachment; these, in turn, lead to internal working models which will guide the individual's perceptions, emotions, thoughts and expectations in later relationships. Separation  anxiety  or grief following the loss of an attachment figure is considered to be a normal and  adaptive  response for an attached infant. These behaviours may have evolved because they increase the probability of survival of the child. “The central theme connected to attachment is that mothers who are available and responsive to their baby's needs establish a felt sense of security in their children. Your baby knows that you as the caregiver are dependable, which creates a secure base for your child to then explore their world.” [1] The Key Components of Attachment There are four key components of attachment: Secure Base: The caregiver provides a secure and dependable base for the child to explore the world. Separation Distress/Anxiety: When separated from the caregiver, the child will become upset and distressed. Safe Haven: When the child feels threatened or afraid, he or she can return to the caregiver for comfort and soothing. Proximity Maintenance: The child strives to stay near the caregiver, thus keeping the child safe.  Attachment theory and concepts are here and here to stay. Attachment parenting is undertaken often times naturally. I have no doubt attachment began when parenting began but the theory helps us understand the importance of positive attachment relationships. Give your baby a sense of connectedness in infancy and give them the best start in life. Connect through observation, mirroring and responding  [2]  and maximise the potential for mutual communication and understanding. “Our brain development, our emotional development -- even our later ability to control our emotional selves, our tempers and delay gratification -- all depend on having our innate relationship needs met as infants.” [3] Attachment Parenting is as flexible as you want it to be. Every parent who knows the principles can use it intuitively to suit the needs of their baby. Do not think of it as a set of rigid rules. As always, use your own parenting know how and intuition to decide what's best for you and your family. [4] Vivien Sabel UKCP MBACP ScPTI Author of The Blossom Method™ The Revolutionary Way To Communicate With Your Baby From Birth available on  Amazon Relational Psychotherapist/Clinical Supervisor/Researcher http://www.viviensabel.com [1]  This quote was taken from Dr. Laura Markham’s blog Attachment Parenting http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/attachment-parenting [2]  Observation, mirroring and responding are the three core components of The Blossom Method™. [3]  This quote was taken from Dr. Laura Markham’s blog Attachment Parenting http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/attachment-parenting [4]  This was adapted from Dr. Laura Markham’s blog Attachment Parenting http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/attachment-parenting

Parenting expert Dr Rosina talks about the funny side of parenting. What do you do when your child has splattered yoghurt all over your kitchen and it’s the last thing you need right now? Do you yell, laugh or cry? Find out what Dr Rosina did and how she learned many valuable parenting lessons from that messy life experience. She realised it’s OK to make mistakes as a parent, say sorry and have another go… this teaches your child so many valuable life lessons. ALSO, learn more about how to help your child stay fit and healthy and avoid becoming one of the growing statistics for children who are overweight or have type two diabetes.